Our loved ones who pass over speak to us through signs if we are open and believe and if we take the time to notice. The connection of enduring love truly does exist.
Grocery shopping has become as sticking point for me, especially the first week after Jordon died. It is the things that never occur to us that pose the biggest challenge sometimes. Shopping for food is one for me. The reason is Jordon and I were always in the kitchen together. We loved to cook, make up recipes, and invite friends over for smoked BBQ. Jordon would often get up during a summer weekend at 5:30 am and start smoking whatever was for dinner that night. There would be baked beans, slaw, cheap buns,and some unbelievably good smoked “something” many weekends. We would also take trips together and focus the vacation on the best restaurants to try. We would order a “tasting menu”, stay for three hours and a bottle of wine and make it memorable.
It is quite difficult walking through a grocery store these days. What do I buy now? It is a forced- physical separation decision and it’s taking some getting used to. I mainly stick to Jackson, my son and what makes him happy and healthy- and that’s a good energy directive in my book. The first shop was the worst. I was hit by the emotion as soon as the sliding doors opened, unaware of the daunting task that was so easy and often mundane before. I sort-of wandered around in a daze feeling the void and just picking up stuff and putting it back trying to decide if I was wanting it for me because I couldn’t buy for my husband anymore. I think Jordon was with me that day, watching, hurting for me, making a game plan for my next visit. He was always a planner….
The next visit to the grocery store was the following week. I knew better how to function but was still dreading the task. As soon as the sliding doors opened a song started, loudly, above the noise of the customers as it was 5:00 pm and people were shopping on their way home from work. It sounded as if she were singing the words into my ears. I never heard music played in this grocery store that I shopped at regularly before or for the rest of the year. I am sure it was Jordon.
I shopped in peace that day knowing that everything was going to be okay…