The Surreal

 

I find myself in a mind-flex sometimes. I guess the official correct term would be feeling the surreal. It is an out-of-body experience that you feel when something on a grand scale impacts your life. If it is a positive impact; for example, it could be excellent news, the birth of your child and when you get to hold him for the first time, the moment after you get married and walk back down the isle, the moment you realize you have met the love of your life, or when your son takes his first steps. Those are cherished surreal moments. Those are the ones that are fun to remember. And I am so grateful that I experienced so many positive moments like these already in my lifetime.

The other side of surreal doesn’t feel so good. It hurts. It is a temporary ungrounded feeling with a touchpoint attachment to a different plane that we do not see. It is the past colliding with the present and not being sure which dimension you are in. I hate those moments. I’m going along about my day and it hits me. What. Just. Happened this year…..Oh my God, he’s gone. He’s actually gone. Flashbacks of him in his hospital bed in our living room make their way to my mind. Scenes. Terrible ones of pain and suffering, worry, and lost hope. It can happen while I am driving to the store or while I am making breakfast in the morning. They are often when I least expect them and they throw me backwards for just a moment.

The negative side of surreal, when it hits you, has a vibration and internal sound to it in your mind like a musical narrative in a movie with a low, slow draw of a bow on the low end of a string of a base. Its resonating sound goes away when the bow reaches it’s end, and so does the memory, thank goodness.

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