Eight years ago in the late summer my new life was just starting. My mom and my sister and I found ourselves at a mountain retreat for a spa day. We all desperately needed it. Jordon had just been diagnosed in July with Malignant Melanoma skin cancer. I had a four-year-old son and a busy career and family…. A spa day was in order. But what happened that day I will never forget. I haven’t spoken of it since but now I understand that it was meant for now. Not then. I would have gotten it wrong back then. Timing is patient and is everything sometimes.
I scheduled a massage. An earthy-looking peaceful woman called out my name and I followed her into the room where she preceded to wash my feet ceremonial style and then I got up on the table and laid down facing up. She came in and positioned herself above me and put her hands on my head. She started with slow circular movements on my head with her fingertips. That’s when it happened. A bright, luminescent, circular, yellow light appeared to me when I closed my eyes. Immediately tears began flowing. My eyes were drawn up into what felt like a tunnel. The pale yellow light was moving and flowing and shining like the sun without the burn. I could look straight into it and not feel pain. As soon as I acknowledged it I started to take my mind off my vision and onto what was happening to my heart. I literally felt it open and be pulled up. Drawn up. I felt this inescapable, magnificent, overwhelming, comforting, beautiful, peaceful, palpable love. The gate opened and a rush of amazing, forgiving, loving emotions came to me all at once. I thought of all my family and friends and I wanted to jump off the table and contact each one of you and tell you how much I love you. The binds and band-aids and scars on my heart instantly melted away and all that was left was love. I was so blinded by happiness!!! I was not spoken to. I was shown a feeling. I remember seeing letters and I was writing.
The session lasted an hour. I cried for an hour. I lived in Heaven for an hour. I know that now. I didn’t understand that then. I thought the massage therapist had some sort of mental trance on me. I reasoned it away and did not share what happened. I didn’t understand it as I was going through the darkest moments of my life at the time. I wasn’t ready to handle what I had seen and felt. I understand that it was meant for now. It is a deep, wonderful understanding of what happens to each and every one of us. What a remarkable experience! I know and feel where Jordon resides. It is a beautiful, wonderful place that escapes earthly words in any language. No literal understanding. No way for me to paint, sing, write, or speak of the love that is felt there. The important thing is that it exists and to not be afraid. Believe and notice.