I was praying in meditation today. It was a personal prayer. I went outside to breathe in some fresh air and this was my view from my front porch. I am so thankful and blessed with the people in my life.
Quote from Doreen Virtue-
Since the time of Noah’s ark, rainbows have been symbolic of God’s promise of love, care, support, and protection. When you ask the angels for a sign and you see a rainbow, it signals that your entire situation is being taken care of by them. Albino rainbows, double rainbows, and moonbows (rainbows appearing at night under the moonlight) are all so unusual that they leave no doubt as to their significance. Rainbows are not only signs, but also gifts of encouragement and guidance from the other side.
It is the basis of healing. The ground floor of the elevator. The floor of the elevator comes to stop, you hear the bell “bing”, and the door opens. Your new reality awaits you. You step out and the sun is shining so brightly and you have trouble focusing. You feel a little confused and disoriented in terms of where you are now. You look around and start to orient yourself to this new view.
You know you’re in a building and you know you are okay. You are breathing and you can feel. You can see your hands and hear your voice. Life is not over for you. Your life is now different. 180 degrees. A paradigm shift in thinking has just arrived at the door of your mind. You realize your choices are now yours to some extent. You own them as they are not shared with the person who is not leaving with you out of this building. It is hard to leave because you came in together, and now you are leaving by yourself. But you do it. You do it because you have no choice. Acceptance is the key here. It is the key that opens that door to your mind to allow the paradigm shift in thinking to take place.
I accept what has happened. My mind is full of gratitude, love, and peace. I am going to allow some space for grief and sadness and I will give it away at the end of the day. I will breathe it out. It will not take root in my mind and leave me stuck in one spot. I am moving forward and looking ahead at my life. I have so much to be grateful for. Jackson. My home. My community. My friends. My family. My job. My health. My strength and new understanding. With acceptance comes healing. With healing comes happiness.
There is a gate to your heart that exists. You are the keeper of the gate. You have the ability to open and close it, to guard it, and to lock it closed if necessary. You hold the key.
I was on a walk this evening and it felt like my friend was with me, helping me see a bigger picture and I want to share what I learned. It was very healing. When connecting with people, authenticity is so important. Trust, faith in others, love are wonderful elements we can share with one another. I understand now about keeping the gate wide open and why. When you keep your gate to your heart open you expose yourself to all the elements that come your way. Keeping the gate open allows in happiness, hurt, love, peace, anger, hope, all of it. When you close that gate and lock it you close out all elements both the good and the bad. The key is to keep yourself open in order to allow in the good and to accept and understand and learn from the bad. A closed heart learns and experiences nothing.
Use your acceptance skills to know the negative might find you and learn to navigate through it. Use your capacity to feel hope to know the right thing will come to fruition for you. Use happiness to reel in those that gravitate towards happiness as well. And go have fun with those wonderful people that enhance your life.
Being open and honest with yourself and others is key. Be authentically truthful. Both for better or for worse- tell them. Your friends, your husband, your wife, your family, your boyfriend or girlfriend, parents and siblings….tell them exactly what is in your heart. Share with those that return love to you. Live in reciprocity. Give back and add to the lives that touch you. Sometimes you will find yourself in the middle of a painful relationship with someone who doesn’t know how to reciprocate. Life is a river, and sometimes you have to learn how to untie that person from you own boat and move in a different direction. Know when those people are in your space for too long and bless the education of it and set them free. Release the bitterness and inhale acceptance. Not everyone is in our path to enhance our lives. Some people are there to teach us something. When we do this we allow for the gate of our hearts to remain open to receive all that is positive. It is the yin and yang in life. It is one massive learning experience and keeping your heart open allows for learning, acceptance, understanding, and loving in its purest, most wonderful form. But it is the law of the universe that the negative elements will be there as well. It is how we balance that aspect that decides whether we keep the gate open or we close it. I love the basic elementals of love, hope, and kindness, and reciprocity.
This journal is for those that give and take, love and share, and add so much to Jackson and my life. I hope I fill that space in your heart as full as you do mine. xoxo
(This picture was taken on one of the nights that was especially hard on both of us while Jordon was sick. We had had a very long day and we tried to carve out some fun time at the end of the evening playing around with selfies.)
One night awhile back Jackson came down stairs troubled by a thought he was having. Children really think deeply, it’s just the description or verbalization that they have trouble with. Jackson is an old soul and he doesn’t really have much trouble in this department. And we are really connected, he and I. What I am happy about is that we always shared this connection so there really has been no change in the depth of our discussions; just more discussions as to be expected. This one night in particular will be a night that will be branded into my mind of just how much kids really do “get it”. Through their playing with their friends and what they do in their activities both at home and at school- they self-direct the healing process through their grief. They have few barriers like we as adults do and they know what to ask for that will make them heal. When Jackson asks, and it is reasonable and sound, he gets. But, here is what Jackson told me and asked me that night.
He said to me, “You will not have any man in this house until I am 20 years old and out of here! There will be no guy to come in my room at night and say “Goodnight” to me. Nobody can replace Daddy. And you better not date behind my back. I will know. And you better wear your wedding ring too. If you get married, I’m going to come to your wedding with a blow horn! No one will hear what you say. And I am going to smash your chocolate fountain!” Good heavens!!!! Jackson has never even been to a wedding before yet he has such a vivid description of the plan of chaos he’s going to inflict! What a description of utter destruction and mayhem! I love it. He was getting out what he felt. Bottom line- no man can take his father’s place is what he was saying. And he is right.
So…. Here was my response to him.
“Okay, then we have a deal. Now you have to live up to your end. And here it is- If you start screwing up at school. If you start doing drugs. If you start drinking and driving and skipping school and hanging out with the wrong crowd and giving me a hard time because you are angry that your father died- I am going to hire an big, ugly, mean nanny who’s going to come after school every day to pick your butt up in front of your friends and bring you home. You will lose all your freedoms and choices and you will sit and do your homework.” Ask me if a boy’s eyes can grow larger than saucers? My answer will be yes!! Bahahahaha!
It broke our pain and hurt and it melted into laughter. We smiled and gave each other a hug. I love my Jack. He is so intuitive and kind. He so didn’t deserve this, but what child does? A wise friend I went to high school with, and am still connected to on Facebook said to me, “I was 14 when my father died, and I’m guessing he’s a bit younger than that, right? I know this is an incredibly difficult time for your family, but I do want you to know there can be a silver lining: I’ve always suspected that my dad’s death ultimately made me stronger as an adult, and I’ve recently read research confirming that such a phenomenon exists in a lot of people who lost parents under the age of 16 (it’s harder for those who were older).” I am going to hold fast to this remarkable advice and insight. This will be Jackson. Thank you, Glenn Hubbard.
I’m burning some sage leaves today while sitting at my desk. Yesterday was a bad day but it needed to happen and I am looking to clear the negative energy away and bring in the positive. Clearing with sage is an ancient practice followed by many cultures and most religions and it settles the soul, clears the air, and invites in peace. I want to write about a vision of physical and spiritual connectedness I had while sitting with a special friend. I am so grateful for the people in Jackson and my life. I feel richly blessed and I wonder if I will ever be able to give back what I have received.
Most of us think that gifts of psychic abilities, clairvoyance, “knowings”, visions, and intuitive understandings are for a selected few people or those of us who have a gift. I want to share what my beliefs are about this phenomenon. I believe we are all gifted and this is all normal, and we have looked to others and to the writings of our faiths for example when they are often right in front of our faces. We all have a “6th” sense if you will and the vast majority of us have ignored it or not spoken openly about it with others. When I talk with friends and people I meet without a filter in my heart I hear amazing stories all the time of people seeing a grandparent that has passed away and suddenly appeared during a time of crisis. Others talk about their signs they have seen, dreams, intuitions, and stories they keep closely guarded and not talked about as to not be seen as “crazy”. This needs to stop and the doors of our hearts need to open. Miracles, experiences, and visions need to be on the open market. The stories didn’t end with the Bible. They are all around us everyday, we just need to be open and accepting and notice.
I want to give you two amazing examples of the spiritual, emotional, and physical connectedness we all have in their most simplistic forms. We see them and experience them all the time but perhaps not fully being aware of what is really happening. My favorite example of this is when a child has scraped his knee on the concrete and he is in physical and emotional pain from his experience. He comes in and you sit him up on the counter and you wash his little wound, give it a little disinfection treatment, and then put a band-aid on. But he really doesn’t stop crying until you kiss the band-aid and assure him it will be okay. You are healing him physically- but mostly he believes and knows the kiss is what heals. That is spiritualty at its highest form. You, as the parent, heal. Your actions heal. Your love heals. Children know this and believe it because their hearts are pure and accepting.
Another example remains one of my favorites of spiritual and physical connectness. Often times when a wife is pregnant the husband will take on the emotional and physical pains of his wife. Jordon did this. His appetite increased, even his cheeks were puffy by the end of the nine-month process. He often felt what I felt. During that time his “empathic 6th” senses were on high alert. He was amazingly connected to our process on a physical and emotional level. How does that happen? What does it say? The memory makes me smile and now the positive energy is flowing back in and I am going to go about my day now…..
Recently I had my dear beloved Uncle Rhon up again for a visit to help me lighten the emotional overload of what myself and Jackson have been going through. And it’s working. He arrived Thursday night and was under the impression that it was Friday night for some reason- might be old age brain… 😉 Anyway, he was thinking a particular Thursday night was the night for the crazy meteor shower we were supposed to get and he told Jackson all about it. Well, the two of them stayed up till 2:00 in the morning talking about all things science: global disasters, atom smashing, planets and comets, Elon Musk’s SpaceX plans….You name it- they were locked in for hours and I moved back into my brain to gain a better look at what was going on in front of me. Jackson and Rhon left and went riding around to try and get away from the city light glare of Toronto and Hamilton, but unfortunately they didn’t see anything- well naturally- it was the wrong night, but it was meant to happen just as it did. The connection and the discussions and the love mushroomed- just like smashing an atom. I have a theory about that night and about the positive influence of men in the lives of boys and women in the lives of girls.
Jackson and I possess an amazing connectivity. I love him more than anything and we have great communication. But there is by nature itself a small disconnect by a divine plan. Our connectivity registers at about 90%. That 10% is crucial. That 10% is where a mother is not hard-wired to be able to understand and connect to an 11 year old son. That missing 10% is a very important part of the equation and can sometimes make all the difference. I imagine as Jackson gets older, the percentage difference will widen slightly as he is becoming a man. This is where the men in Jackson’s life are playing a crucial role. We have choices with our children when they are suffering. There are those men who connect well with children and who embrace the 10%. And there are women who fill in the space for young girls out there as well. I am blessed beyond belief at the abundance of role models and loved ones who are helping me connect those last percentage points to make Jackson feel whole again. My celestial public service announcement for you today and this holiday week: as we all venture out to do all things positive try and look around you and maybe without you realizing it, you are helping be someone’s 10% and know in your heart that you are making all the difference. Xoxo