Runners take your mark! I am on the track. I can smell the asphalt and the newly cut grass. Get set! The gun goes up and I place my hands on the track and spread my fingers out gripping the ground. I’m bending into my starting position. Go! The shot sounds out and I lunge forward sprinting with all my might. My hands dig the air ahead of me and my feet clip the pavement as I breeze through my strides with my mind on the finish line. The finish line is when the race is over, when I am through the pain and grief and loss. My mind is made up. I will run through this and I will finish and win. These were my thoughts when Jordon died. I had been training for this inevitable moment for years in the back of my mind. I was ready. I felt like an Olympian in the world of life and death and I had already accepted that I was to enter this race whether I wanted to or not. It was up to me on how to train and how to win. Grief would not conquer me. I would conquer grief. Grief and Sadness and the Void were my opponents in this race. I wanted very badly to beat them. They would not overcome me and I would stay ahead, looking ahead with gratitude, feeling the ribbon across my chest as I hurl myself over the finish line.
The truth is I did win this race. I did exactly all those things. But at a real cost. I am suffering from overexertion. My breath, my body, and my mind are winded and tired and strained. I’m low on energy and I need some recuperation time to get back to good. I have trained and sprinted and ran myself into the ground of late and now I am learning the cost of winning. I don’t know if there is any other way for me, for it is my nature to move quickly. But I don’t know if I would recommend it to anyone unless you are conditioned and prepared for this reality.
I embraced acceptance early. I live on a daily basis in the connection to God, Spirit, and to our loved ones that have passed on. I have come to an understanding of what living in separation feels like and I choose not to, because it isn’t healthy. It continues to be a mission of mine to help those who are stuck. But, I am human and not perfect and capable of falling and tripping and losing my way. I am trying to get back on track, but this time at a nice smooth even pace. I cannot sustain race speed in my life. The race is over. 2015 is right around the corner. Its time to start living, walking, breathing, and seeking my new normal. After all, it is what is wanted for us from above….
Love to all of you who cheered me on, supported Jackson, and waited for me at the finish line. There is a place in my heart for you that is yours forever. xoxo
Sometimes in this world we live in we find ourselves in the flurry of a negative vortex of someone else’s pain, discomfort, and anger. We might be the focus of it, or we might just be swept up by it from the magnetic powerful winds it creates. Hurtful words and deeds, stabbing intent, vicious vindictive actions are all a part of this vortex and it starts with a damaged mental perspective with uncontrollable dark intent and it radiates out trying to find somewhere to land like a lightening strike. The rains and hail pour out of the sky and the wind shifts violently making exposure to this storm very dangerous. You are not the creator of this storm, maybe just the catalyst to bring out in a fury what was already there.
When you find yourself in this storm remember you have a storm shelter for protection. God gives you a safe place to go for shelter and watch under his care. Stepping back from the storm and the dangers of uprooted angry objects whizzing by and moving down into the shelter below will give you a sense of peace and comfort and enduring protective love. Bring your blanket and pillow and candles and huddle in with your loved ones. Close you eyes and feel the power of protection spread over you like warm quilted blanket, stitched in love especially for you. Keep your heart and mind focused on that love and feel the light of the candle burning brightly and warmly in your little shelter. The howling winds and rain above cannot touch you. Know with experience and divine assurance that this storm will pass and once again the light will shine and the sun will once again warm your face. That is God’s promise to us. Keep your mind and heart center-focused on this shelter that God provides and not on the raging torrent of rain and anger and wind above as it is not yours to stop because you cannot. Step back. Leave that to the powers of the universe and the natural laws of karma. Storms this powerful eventually grow weary and devour themselves and dissipate out and are soon forgotten. Light and love fills the day once again.
A word to the wise. The darkness cannot be dark when it is exposed to the light. The truth will always find its way.
Sing it, Paul. Drowned out the wind.
The Planets and Stars Look Good From Afar….
In looking out into the open universe, the planets are beautiful. Some are red, some blue and green such as our own. The stars glisten and shine and sparkle with a light all bright. We’ve admired over the centuries their positions in the sky and their unique ability to twinkle and glow. We use our creative minds to create visual constellations emulating those shapes of people and places and things that which are familiar to us on earth. Things we value and want. We can see the rings of Saturn without much trouble and the moon shows its face to us. We form theories in our minds of patterns and visions as to what is exactly is going on up there. We don’t see the raw depth or fathom the extremes these planets and stars are existing in. From our two feet firmly planted we look up and see only what we see. What is reality up there? What is really happening to these planets and stars? Do we know the power they create whizzing through the universe at light speed or feel the heat or freeze these stars feel? How does the Sun impact Mercury? Anything can look beautiful from afar.
Such is the same truth in life. We pay too much attention to the envisioned life of others, imagining how beautiful and peaceful their lives must be. We feel alone in our troubles and very distant sometimes within our orbit of a day. Yes, Saturn’s soft glow is beautiful yet close up the storms are something powerful and destructive to behold! The moon’s face was created by forceful impact over time, but what we see is a wise face. As in the reality of stars and planets, so everyone has life to deal with. We are not alone in our worries and troubles. The beauty and the pain and the love are all shared, it is a simple universal truth for all things. Everyone in life is dealing with something. Focus your attention to your reality and ask for happiness and healing. You know your life beyond the surface of what others can see, and that is what you have power over. You deserve your attention because you are beautiful and glowing and powerful as any planet or star. The universe says so.
The Dahlia you brought to our isle
Your praises forever shall speak
‘Mid gardens as sweet as your smile
And colour as bright as your cheek.
–Lord Holland (1773–1840)
I know it is winter and the snow is falling outside. Life must be difficult at times being a flower bulb. You are uprooted and you find yourself away from your garden, away from the other flowers you spent the summer with. Life deals out what it does, and yours has been a life as a bulb. I am writing you, at this time, for a reason. I want you to remember the warm sunny days and know that that time will come again when you will be shining with all your brilliance and bursting with your vibrancy for all to see, experience, and love. You have it in you. It hasn’t gone away. You are just in the time when you are a bulb in a cool, dry, dim place… Life is cyclical and now is the time for reflection, an understanding for what has been, and then gratitude for what is to come. This winter has been tough and cold as sometimes winters go. Often times through the most difficult of seasons we can learn the most about nature and life. Hold fast, dear dahlia bulb, there is hope and renewal and warmth headed your way, don’t give up. Know that the sun will once again shine warmly upon your beautiful petals, the raindrops will sustain you, and the soil will feed you all that you need. Life will begin again.
Escaping the Pinball Wizard~ Reblogging for the sake of trying to follow my own advice.
Every person on this plant is born innocent and good. There is no such thing as a bad baby. When we are born we are our core selves, undeveloped and new. We never lose that core, but the world comes in and influence takes over and we become a product of our environment and grow from the impact the world has on us. This collective human experience has impact and it creates a pinball machine effect into the world. Once we receive negative or positive energy from another it becomes kinetic energy and takes on a life of its own. The actions of others, both positive and negative, influence our decisions and thought processes. It is this action and our own reaction that takes us away from our true selves and we begin to divest our own personal positive energy and give it away to others through disappointment and expectations. We become blocked from our own divine light and stand in our own way, and we remove our focus from that which is our core beliefs in ourselves and react to our environment in that pinball machine. Noise, defection, chaos, and slamming our palms to the button to keep the ball from rolling down til the game is over is how we defensively react through our human nature. The object of the game is whoever gets the most points wins. Do we really ever “win” an argument? Do we stop to think what is lost when we do win? What impact have we created on ourselves and on others? Are we acting from our core selves or from the impact of our environment?
We have choices. And the choice starts with focus and acceptance. We must accept that others will react and treat us within their understanding of their environment. They are going through the same thing as it is a reflective mirror image. It starts with you. It starts with me. You, me, individually we must pull our focus away from the disappointments and resentments and anger we feel towards others and instead create a powerful focus on the innocent good self that we all have. From that focus on self, we then radiate out good and positive intent into our world. We have to accept that we might not be in an environment that is hospitable to our new focus, but that won’t matter because our focus is on good, and peace, and acceptance of our surroundings. This type of positive kinetic energy spreads as well.
In the inevitable end, the ball rolls down and the score is tallied. Life can continue like this for us until we tire and decide to move our focus out of the arcade. There is no peace in an arcade. What could be peace and harmony when we forgive and accept becomes an internal defensive war within our hearts and outward actions. The key to happiness and peace is stepping out of the arcade and returning to self-focus. When we focus on our core selves and the love and light within and accept others on unconditional grounds, we bring in peace to our surroundings and it radiates out that which you want to come back to you. It is karma. It is the law of attraction. It is the golden rule. Open your eyes to the outside of others and to their struggles and obstacles that have been placed in their lives. Then try to see their core self and accept the whole picture because they are a reflection of you and your core and your obstacles and struggles. The beauty of this process is amazing and healing. Acceptance and forgiveness of others creates acceptance and forgiveness within and peace and grace in your heart is the reward.
Sometimes trees block our view. Or we think they do. We get so bogged down in what we are trying to accomplish that we can’t see past that tree that is in our way. Our focus becomes narrowed and our eyes settle in on that one tree. We complain. We try and move around it, but there are more trees behind and beside the one we need out of our way. We soon lose our path wandering through the brush looking for that clearing that will help us understand where we are. It is easy to get frustrated and anxious when things don’t go our way or when it is taking too long to get past something in our life. By human nature we wander and look at what catches our eye on our path in life. It is easier to pay attention to that which is distracting. A single focus on one problem can easily throw us off. Ruminating, worry, anxiety, depression, and angst can cause us all to wander off course.
Our destiny is to see the forest ~ to understand the big picture and why we are here. Everything makes sense when we see the forest over, through, and above the trees. A tree is a piece of the puzzle. One cog in the wheel. It is there to teach us something, but to stay there is not what is meant for us. We are meant to journey through the forest. We are meant to see the trees. But our goal in life is to see the forest. The sum total of our lives. When we see this view and we accept all that has come to us on our paths, we can connect with each other and love and understand with a broader, wiser, more loving, forgiving, and accepting place within our hearts. This truth works on many levels.
It is individual. We are all forests made up of different trees. We can focus on the tree that is in our way and block our connection to that person or we can see the sum total of their forest and accept all that that person is and allow the connection to take place. It is also collective. We can see the forest as our families, our communities, or whatever you form a connection with.
Everything in life starts with one and exponentially radiates from there. It is the law of the universe. Trees teach us so much and when we individually and collectively see the forest we can move steadily on our paths knowing a higher vista and knowledge awaits. All we have to do is use our internal compass to guide us through. And that internal compass is love.