I Catch Me

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Written for my dear dolphin friend, Kerri.  Keep spreading your healing light and love out there for all to benefit, and save some for you, too!

When I was a little girl growing up in North Carolina my family used to vacation every year down on the South Carolina coast. I learned to swim there. My father and mother would slide into the pool at the little motel we stayed at. I would stand at the edge and jump into the water where they would catch me and help me swim out. Their arms would be outstretched and the look on their faces would settle into me knowing I could trust them to catch me and guide me. They would not let me sink.

We learn as children to trust our parents and caregivers. We know we can jump in and be safe and learn and have fun splashing about in safety. We grow up as adults wanting from others that same secure feeling of jumping in and being safe to swim about under the watchful eyes of another. But life soon teaches us that this comfort cannot always be found in another. We get let down by human weakness and frailty and we ourselves swim away from those that need us sometimes. This is when we find ourselves at odds from what we learned as children and what we now are experiencing. This process is natural and normal. We must embrace the experience because as children we learn to swim and then we can jump and splash and swim about on our own. Our parent’s loving intent was to teach us to swim on our own….

We must relearn to trust ourselves as adults in this pool of life we swim in. Our learning comes from not bringing focus to those that swim away when we jump, but to realize we have two arms, two legs, we can float, and we know how to swim now. When our focus becomes who was not there to catch us, we give away our own skills, power, knowledge, and trust in ourselves.

Release expectations and assumptions of others. Don’t give others power to save you from the bottom of the pool. Kick and pull with your arms using your learned knowledge of swimming, your love of the water, and trust in yourself to swim. Say out loud, “I catch me.” You will not be alone in this pool. Your friends, family, and strangers will be swimming and enjoying life right along with you. This is not a lonely endeavor. This practice of “I catch me” is healthy and strengthening and conditioning for life’s events that inevitably come our way. When we believe and know we can swim, we can help our selves and others. We shouldn’t give away our own sense of safety by relying on another to “catch” us. Say it again, out loud, until you believe it. Do it out of self-love and not out of loneliness or fear. I catch me.  Now go and enjoy your swim, dear dolphin friend.  I’m in the shallow end doing a hand-stand waiting on you!

Signs, Visions, and Psychic Abilities: a Manifesto

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(This email appeared in my inbox an hour and a half after Jordon passed away.)

I’m not sure I am ready to write about this but I am going to anyway. It’s time. Due to my lack of fear and filter, along with my need to be authentic with others and myself, I am going to write it out. I made a big decision over the holidays to change the direction of my life for many reasons. The main earthly reason is Jackson. But also for myself I have to be honest with my experience this year, so I am going to write it down and share. It is the basis for my book that I will be completing in the next couple of months. Whether this book is just for my healing or for others as well is up to the universe. All I know is that it needs to be written down, so I comply.

Two months before Jordon was diagnosed with metastatic cancer I had an awakening. The timing was perfectly planned from above for me. My whole life I have had a strong 6th sense, psychic abilities if you will. I ignored it and ran from it because I was afraid, as most people are who don’t understand their gifts. I seemed to know when energy was around me, both good and bad. I seemed to know the emotions of others around me even when their outward actions and appearance was showing something different. I have always been interested in near-death experiences and read countless books about them. I even had the privilege of meeting a few along my way. Their experiences were extraordinary and it changed them forever. I sought answers through religion over the years, but I always felt there was something higher that was more inclusive to all of us; a oneness that exists that is inclusive and not exclusionary.

When Jordon became sick I started a Caringbridge webpage. The funnel of thought and emotion started in me and I realized how much I needed to share. The love I felt during that time was extraordinary and powerful. My husband, who was loved by many, was dying and our family was going through a massive crisis. Such a time brings out true authentic emotion and thought on a level I could have never thought possible. Truths and beliefs become crystal clear. There is knowledge and understanding beyond the spectrum of everyday life here on earth for us. It is available to all of us. I am no different than anyone else; I have just had a catalyst in my life to bring me to this point. For a reason I am not sure of, my task is to write it down. So I write.

In the days, weeks, and months following Jordon’s passing, my abilities and understandings have grown stronger. This is the basis of this journal and I am going to share it with you. I see visions and signs, feel energy, and experience real connections to those that have passed on. I have gone through classes this year in Integrated Energy Therapy and Reiki and I do energy work on others. I see and feel pain within people who are suffering from physical and emotional sickness or disease and can help confer the source so they can move towards wellness.  The mind/body connection is powerful and we often write our own scripts in health and wellbeing. When I feel someone’s pain, my arms and hands and heart feel a vibration and my need to reach out and transfer that energy to the person in front of me is powerful. I go with what I feel and most times others allow me to help. Sometimes when I am with someone who has lost an important person in his or her life I can communicate with that person that has crossed over. I can see important details, physical features to give confirmation, family stories and histories. I can smell a perfume or cigar smoke that they used to have about them and hear their voice and laughter. I can relay important information back to the person who is in front of me. It is so healing and it happens all the time. It is time I embrace this gift and share it with others. I cannot deny this and move forward in my life without it. I love being able to do this and the more I focus on it, the stronger it gets. When life gets in my way, I feel cut off and low in energy. When I clear space for these gifts, my life improves greatly.

I have written a lot over the year about these visions and experiences and posted pictures of signs from above. Consider this journal the summary and sum-total of what is happening, a manifesto of sorts. It is truthful, honest, and lacking of worry or fear of judgment. I know I must stay real to my path as those who don’t believe will think of this momentarily and then move on with their lives. If I don’t share due to that fear and momentary negative reaction of others, then I lose out on my whole life. The cost of this does not outweigh the benefit of sharing. This is something to consider in your own life. Do what brings you joy and happiness. Be authentic. Use your God-given gifts and talents, as we all have them. Those that want to share in your life will be there, those that do not support you will move on. Focus on your positive connections with others and grow in your daily endeavors knowing you have the right people with you for the right reasons. True happiness is borne of following the path that is meant for you.

Love and Light to you all.

Holly

A Year in Review of the Signs:

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My backyard on a particular tough day for me after his passing.

My backyard on a particular tough day for me after his passing.

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