This site is dedicated to my spiritual and physical journey before and after the death of my husband and the father of my son from cancer. It is about grieving, loving, understanding and sharing, and living in the connection while accepting the physical separation that passing on brings. It is also about moving forward in your life from whatever challenges life hands you and living the life that is wanted for you from above.
Never give up your spiritual quest to know God! Seek out and find what resonates within you. Just as you are unique, so are the paths to find him. Learn everything that you can learn and never stop that process. We are all spiritual students for life. From spiritual learning and growth, one finds direction and purpose. God comes to us in many forms. He’s not a foreign concept in our minds; rather a familiar something that we gravitate towards and it resonates within our understanding of the world we live in. Through our history, our DNA, our tastes and interests, and our families he finds us and he connects with us.
Truly indeed, God loves us all! We are all his children and we are all worthy of living happy, prosperous, productive, giving lives. This kind of connection is of pure desire borne of love for each of us. This love is indescribable in any high word in any language, and he has it for us all.
We must seek him within our own understanding and we must try to realize that others see him differently from their own visions, own environment, and own belief systems. This is what makes us all unique and different and is one of the many yet important tasks we have to learn here as a human race. We as humans jump many of the hurdles that are put in front of us, but this is one we are losing on a massive, collective global scale. We need to embrace one another. Learn about each other. Accept one another. Show compassion and love for one another. This is the one thing that must change for the better; for our collective future depends on it.
Last night the bombings in Paris were the tipping point. The catalyst. We must for our highest and best from a personal standpoint to a global standpoint learn to LOVE ONE ANOTHER! We are at the precipice now on a global scale. We must through our actions rise above the hate and the violence and the intolerance to see the larger perspective of human oneness. What we do to others, we do to ourselves. Can we please take a small moment and pause to consider God’s love for humanity and the possibility of peace before we all plunge ourselves into a massive world war of hate and violence that will lead us to trying to wipe each other off the planet. We all have a great choice to make. Let us choose wisely. Either way, we will succeed.
Eight years ago in the late summer my new life was just starting. My mom and my sister and I found ourselves at a mountain retreat for a spa day. We all desperately needed it. Jordon had just been diagnosed in July with Malignant Melanoma skin cancer. I had a four-year-old son and a busy career and family…. A spa day was in order. But what happened that day I will never forget. I haven’t spoken of it since but now I understand that it was meant for now. Not then. I would have gotten it wrong back then. Timing is patient and is everything sometimes.
I scheduled a massage. An earthy-looking peaceful woman called out my name and I followed her into the room where she preceded to wash my feet ceremonial style and then I got up on the table and laid down facing up. She came in…
You might think that holding on to the past to the heaviness of grievances and transgressions and negative energy of others that have hurt you is justified. We all look back from time to time at old wounds that were inflicted on us intentionally or unintentionally and feel the sting and allow the anger to simmer on. Our subconscious carries that burden in the recesses of our memories, yet we feel and carry the heaviness of it today. How do we truly go through the process of laying this down so our journey will be lighter? Holding on to this pain really affects us more than we realize. When we carry heavy negativity from the past in our backpacks with us, it forces us to take the roads and trails that we can only barely handle. We feel the burden and do not trust the higher, more lofty paths due to the acknowledgement that we can’t possibly make it with this heavy sack of emotions on our backs. This burdensome backpack of memories weighs us down causing us to keep our guards up on our paths as we move forward in life often times choosing roads and trails and paths that are easier, yet less rewarding.
The key to this journey is to lighten your emotional load. The way to do this is counter-intuitive. When we look back at what has happened to us we must place ourselves in the circle with those that caused us harm and to accept that we played a part in some way through our decisions and choices. This isn’t easy to do, but it can be done. When we give focus to even just a small amount to our part, and accept the outcome~ we assume and accept part of that energy that was created was ours. Believe it or not, by doing this, we lighten our loads, we do not add to them. This is not in any way an assumption of guilt. What it is though is a higher level of understanding as to why that person or circumstance was in our path to begin with. What were we seeking at the time? What was our focus? What really went wrong? Or was it just time to move on and learn and grow from the experience. If we stay on guard or continue to ruminate over the actions and words and deeds of others, this weight grows. It burdens our emotional and physical and spiritual wellbeing and can manifest into decisions of future paths that are not intended for our highest good. When we take on personal accountability for our part in past negative experiences we lighten weight in our hearts and minds. We rise above the finger-pointing and anger and blame. From a universal perspective anger and blame are much heavier substances than love, understanding, and forgiveness. We know this to be true because we all feel the lightness of a loving heart and a clear conscience. We also know the weighted feelings of blame and anger. One emotion builds while the other destroys.
Lay the past down if your backpack has grown heavy and is wearing you down and taking away your breath. Take a look back at the whole valley you have traveled through. See the beauty and the shadows. Admire the clouds, the sounds of the birds, the smell of the flowers, and feel the gratitude of the higher understanding of lessons learned. Ask for peace and accept all that was. All that is. Be open to all that will be with a hopeful heart.
Since our family crisis last year I have developed a daily habit of morning meditation. I use meditation for grounding. I use this open space in my morning to listen to God and my angels and deceased loved ones for guidance and peace. I work on forgiveness and anger. I bring in gratitude and thanks for the abundance in my life even though sometimes it doesn’t feel abundant. One person’s feelings of lack is another person’s paradise. I try to stay in that paradise of thankful feelings. I believe in quantum physics and the power of our minds being able to manifest what we think about and what we want. Today I want to share an angel card with you. I asked that it be a card to help you with your day, your life, and your habits whether they need to change or grow stronger in your life.
Wishing you peace and happiness today and always. However you define the Divine~ connect!! 🌼😇👼🌈🌎
This may not be the case for everyone but it certainly has been mine. And I’ve watched the same happen to my son as well. This has to do with traditions. What I have learned since living through a whole year of firsts after my husband died is that sometimes the things we did as a family or as a couple that made wonderful memories and traditions no longer work for us.
Sadly through grief, sometimes the favourite places and things and food that we experienced in the past that hold the best memories were the most painful ones after my husband passed. It’s very counterintuitive. I believe that when we continue re-living these experiences they often bring on tremendous grief and pain. I believe this is sometimes where we who are grieving can get stuck. The re-living of favourite habits, rituals, and traditions can bring on the sharp pain of the physical separation in grief, especially if it is too soon after losing a loved one. For my son and myself, we had to first go through a period of learning about ourselves and find our new normal. Our “wholeness” as a family is gone from us and we are healing through the void of absence of my husband and my son’s father. For example, cooking in the kitchen and spending time creating new dishes was a passion of mine that I shared with my husband. After he passed that passion was too painful to get right back into. For my son- he no longer wanted to play the game of hockey. It’s too close a memory for him that he associates with his dad. He now loves the game of football. We have found new, different activities and interests that are not attached to memories. This change has been helpful and healing.
Time is not collectively answered here as it is different for everyone. But for me and my son the early steps of acceptance and learning needed to take place first or we could have fallen back into re-living the past in our present behaviours. That would have been a very painful place to get stuck. I’m glad we branched out into the new and different this past year. I think it propelled us forward towards finding our “new normals”. Now we can embrace past rituals and traditions with happiness and with our hearts full of gratitude for the memories.
Thank you for all the feathers you left us this weekend, Jordon! We noticed and we believe! 👼🌊🐠