Changing Attitudes Towards Widows Is Not Easy, Thank You Michelle

There are a few people on my grief journey I have found that are very inspiring, one of which is Michelle Steinke, the owner and blogger of One Fit Widow. I was moved by her raw honesty on her blogs and how she is inspiring other widows and widowers through her passion, fitness. She is an empowering figure and a true example on how to build your life back out of the ashes when you lose a spouse. Many of us who have lost loved ones use our experiences to help others through grief, trauma, and loss. Helping others is a form of therapy and healing. Shared experiences help us all to see we are not alone in this world and the things we experience in the aftermath of death are often universal. Which leads me to this post. Michelle has gained quite a following and has helped many, many souls who are in anguish over grief move forward in their lives. She has validated that we can all find love and happiness that we all are deserving of while remembering and honoring our loved ones who have passed on.

Michelle found herself the target of cruel yet commonly held thoughts by so many people who do not understand this collective experience that everyone at some point will go through. One of her articles was published on www.scarymommy.com entitled “I Won’t Return My Widow Membership Card”. So I challenge those who posted these heartless comments on “Scary Mommy” to some deep self-refection.   Truly- the scariest of mommies ousted themselves by verbally roasting her like a witch in the town square. This visceral reaction she received is at the dark core of what happens to widows in society.

Michelle, you are doing an amazing service to humanity as a whole. I know they tied you to the stake here and I know it was so hurtful. But what you did here is expose the truth about how many people treat widows with their ignorant and hurtful attitudes. Inadvertently, you were able to bring this negative side to humanity to the surface and exposed the truth. Exposure of the dark side to our human natures needs to come to light so that we may all see what really happens and then work towards improving the understanding of grief.  We as widows need to all allow this exposure to happen and to look at it as a means and a beginning to change these terrible social norms and expectations of how we live our lives. I am so sorry this happened to you but hopefully through your ability to rise up you can see what a huge benefit this was to all of us to give exposure to the cruel and senseless opinions and comments of these women. Sure, have a differing opinion. But try opening up your eyes and your heart just a little wider. If you can’t, then go back home to your imperfect life and your imperfect marriage and your imperfect kids and hope and pray you’re not next in line for the fire.

Sincerely,

Holly C Barker

Hollycbarker.com

http://www.scarymommy.com

Healing Humanity: from my Native American Spirit Grandmother:

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Through Divine Light, God asked Mother Earth, the Sun and Wind, and Father Ocean to bequeath all the beautiful natural elements from every corner of the globe to create us in his image. And it was done.

In the hot regions of our Earth the soil was rich with ancient plant matter and volcanic ashes and sand. Precious elementals formed from the heat and from there came the dark-skinned beautiful beings. From the red-clayed cliffs and slopes of the mountains we shall take the vibrant ochre elements of this beautiful area and make the passionately-spiritual red-skinned souls. The salty rocks and seashores of the North are tough and rugged and majestic. The sun shines brightly here through reflected ice caps. Here the tall, light-eyed, light-skinned humans took hold. From the East humans emerged from the green landscapes and jungles and steamy heat. Shielded from the sun and warmed by the humid lush surroundings they become a golden yellowy hue.  All special, all gifted from the elementals of Mother Earth, and all Divine.

There is beauty in all color and hue and tone. We were all created with love and made of the majestic sources from Mother Earth. We must celebrate this beautiful capacity for this plant to create such amazing diverse humans. Yet we have fallen off our path and have forgotten our origins and intent. God created us all beautiful and all unique for our enjoyment and for the opportunity to live and to learn about others so that we may grow within. This was the intent. This is not what has happened. Mankind has fallen off this path. We got suck during our time of personal developmental understanding and personal recognition and we did not take the step to look outward for beauty and diversified existence. We stayed inward and began to fear the others. We caste them out when they came into our environment.  We threw them out when we came into theirs. We disdained their differences and called ours best. We did not seek to see the beauty of where they came from and we tried to assimilate them into what we considered good and right and beautiful. A terrible imbalance formed and the Negative Elements of the underground took this open opportunity to plant roots within our world. At some point the choice to stay within our personal views became the tipping point. The pendulum has swung to far and we now have to do our utmost to find our true path as a human race.  As One.

The pendulum is slowly beginning to swing back. We are starting to see the error of our ways. We are beginning to appreciate the beauty of our differences. We are able to reach out globally and are truly seeing the vibrant lives of others. We no longer only have to use the definitions our governments or our media give us to teach us about each other. We now have the ability to really communicate through the Internet and other sources in real time and see for ourselves. We see that you love your children. We see the beauty of your festivals and traditions and foods and songs. They makes us want to jump through our screens and join you in dance and song and fellowship. We don’t want to hear only about the negativity because usually it’s a small segment in a grand beautiful story. We need to not rely on what the headlines say because the story is in details that are often unheard. We need to focus on our humanity and our diverse beauty.  We need to forgive ourselves for losing our way on the path of humanity and right this awful wrong. We should all ask forgiveness of our ancestors in any of their transgressions and aspire to correct that which caused hurt, disease, hunger, poverty, and separation.  Our futures, all our futures depend on this. Love and its surrounding Light has risen up to meet this challenge because we are all worth this battle ahead. The fundamental core truth is in the end: Love Conquers All.

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A Prayer for Us All. It Starts with One for Another, and Through the Ripple Effect~ it can Change the Course of Humanity.

I want to share a prayer with everyone. This prayer is very simple, yet all encompassing. If you have lost your way through all the turmoil both in your own space and in the world at large, or anger has taken you off your path and negative energy has made you hit rock bottom then this is especially for you. It is meant for all, but with added healing for those in these circumstances. For as you accept this prayer into your life and be open to what comes to you, know you will receive from your asking for it. Your only responsibility you have after you say it with utmost intent and hope~ is to stay aware. Watch. Listen. Learn what comes to you from your feelings, chills or warmth, signs, and symbols that repeat themselves with pattern in your space. Oftentimes the last disconnect of communication between us and God is the asking and then not following through by being open and aware. We forget what we’ve asked for sometimes. This is where those that are here to help with answers to our prayers now wait for you to remember that you asked. Once you become aware of their presence~ your Spirit guides, deceased loved ones, angels, Archangels, and all that encompasses love and guidance~ then you will see how easy it is to communicate, to ask, to feel loved and supported ongoing. Below is one way to reach Them, and they are reaching out to you to say, “We are here.” A prayer is really “an ask”. We go to God to ask. All of us are at different levels of soul learning. Some choose not to ask at all. Some choose to ask and then they forget. Some ask for the wrong thing and then they get the right thing and do not recognize the gift in front of them because it’s not what they asked for. Those are not unanswered prayers. Those are answered prayers.

So here is my simple prayer, my all-inclusive prayer that was shown to me. Say this to yourself every day and every night and really focus on the words. Say them until it hums like a mantra.

God and All Above for our Highest and Best~Help me (reach your hands up).

And help me (look up)~ help you (look straight)~ help them (look out and down). Amen

This prayer I just described is a simple loving plea from you. “God help me in my life. And help me to know how to try and help others. “. This a service love prayer to serve your fellow man. And we all know the Golden Rule. It’s a part of this prayerful equation. 

Another prayer to help you is if you feel negativity around you and you need to find a quiet place in your surroundings and in your mind to bring back in good energy~ then say this prayer. Say it over and over again until you feel the positive energy rush back to you.. The first time you say it, it will begin to work. But you need to say it until you feel safe. Feel comforted. And feel peace. Like a mantra. Like a chant.

Only through Love and Light to me you shall pass.

This simple prayer above is a prayer of protection against the negative energies that are omnipresent in our daily lives ready to seize any opportunity of throwing us off our life course. With help from above and being open to the communication, we can work towards enlightenment, faith, understanding, peace, and love with an ease in our hearts knowing we are never alone and only what is wanted for us is our highest and best. Amen.IMG_1417