Coming Home

Reposting tonight.  Two years ago today was Jordon’s last day.  Tomorrow, May 9th will be the anniversary of his passing.  I struggled to tell this story and now today, I am so glad I did.  It was all the affirmation I need to know that writing our story was meant to happen.

I love you, Jordon.  We miss you.  Thank you for staying connected with us. Your presence and your absence is felt daily.

I have a story to share with you today. I was somewhat doubting myself yesterday. I have a story to tell and yet I didn’t want to because I sometimes read over my writings and worry about the impression I give to people through my honesty. I have to shake off the negative vibrational energy that I feel sometimes coming at me and write out my experiences no matter whether it is accepted by others or not. These are my experiences, I do not write fiction, and today I received a peaceful, positive affirmation that I should continue on.

In the course of editing my book I realized I had not written about something important that needs to be shared. The subject matter is seeing the angels surround Jordon to take him with them before he died. Such a crucial piece should not go missing and it needs to be told, yet I have waited to write it out and now I know why. I was struggling with the words as they were not flowing as they usually do and I went to a small café for lunch to write. The words were choppy and guarded. I finished my lunch and came home to a contractor who was working on my house. He was finishing up the job and came to sit at my kitchen table with me to write up the bill. Our pleasant conversation lead to me mentioning the fact that my husband had recently passed on from cancer. That’s when it all started to make sense.

My contractor friend, who is older than me, began to tell me his story. Out of his heart poured his life of losing his wife to cancer at a young age in 1992 when his children were six and ten years old. He told me of his family situation and his struggles that even continue on to this day for him. We shared our experiences of family and of staying connected to our spouses even after they both passed on. The conversation was truly remarkable. I feel for him and his struggles as I know them well. I wish him peace in his heart and the ability to claim the life he deserves, free of anything holding him down.

Without my prompting him, midpoint in our conversation, he began to tell me about his last hour with his wife and what a beautiful experience she had. She was pale and her hair was flowing and she looked like Moses out of the Bible up on the mount receiving the Ten Commandments. She asked to sit up which he then propped her up. She said “You all won’t believe me if I tell you what I’m seeing.” After several promptings by her husband and family members in the room she finally told them. She said, “He is sooo big, and we are sooo small!” And then she passed away.

This was the very subject I was trying to write about in the café and yet struggled not feeling the acceptance surrounding me. Then to go home to sit down with a stranger and have him share his exact same experience is amazing!! The affirmation is undeniable in my book! The more and more I understand and continue to be open to my messages, the more I don’t believe in coincidence anymore. Things happen for a reason. This time it was for two people who have lived the same path helping each other through sharing and lifting each other up.

So here it is, now a chapter in my book, with the affirmation I needed to remember this is a universal, global experience that has been written about, sung about, painted on walls and canvas for centuries, and yet still talked about in the shadows as if it is fabled and doubted and not of our collective present experience. Most families have a relatable story, so here is mine.

It was 12:30pm on May 8th and Jordon was about to be transported to hospice from his hospital bed in our living room. He was gravely ill and his health was deteriorating rapidly. We didn’t know this would be his last day and he didn’t either. He was worried about the experience of hospice and I knew that. He sat up over the edge of his hospital bed and I fell to my knees to hug him. I will never forget that. I told him I wouldn’t leave him and I would take care of him. He nodded and we hugged each other. We exchanged some of our last “I love you’s.” As I slid back to my seat and just before they brought the stretcher in for him to be carried to the van I saw them. Soft lights, circles, straight lines, zigzags descended into the room. A presence was in the room surrounding Jordon and his hospital bed. It was beautiful and peaceful. At the time and due to the crisis I took note of it wondering if it was my eyes playing tricks on me.

I was in a panic as I was worried about his pain and the van ride to hospice. Over the weeks of taking Jordon back and forth to the cancer center I had learned every pothole in the road on the way there. I knew when to change lanes in the right time to keep Jordon’s pain and nausea down. I knew not to tap the brake. He felt it all and it was excruciating to him. Now he was going to be in the back of a van, strapped to a gurney with wheels with his pain medicines not working.

When the men arrived to get him, Jordon peacefully got up out of his bed and went and laid down on the stretcher. He was loaded into the van and I hopped in from the back doors to sit and be with him and hold his hand. The whole way with the stretcher giggling back and forth and the sharp turns and curves Jordon never had a pained expression or look about him. He was peaceful. I now understand why. Jordon’s body and his earthly presence were with us at hospice, but his soul left at our house with his angels. They came to spare this wonderful man, husband, and father the agony of the van ride and take him home with them.

Thank you. Thank you with utmost gratitude for your mercy and your comfort you gave to Jordon in his last hours.

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