It makes no sense how anyone can understand an emotion that they haven’t experienced before. And they don’t get us. And we don’t get them as to why they don’t understand us. Herein lies the disconnect. Our expectations from each other are very high on both sides. We expect them to be there for us as time goes on. We expect them to see us through their eyes as the same people we always were, and it doesn’t work for them. Because the truth is we are not the same and we are learning our new normal and re-defining who we are. They see our void but they don’t feel it. They just don’t know how to move forward and communicate with us with on the emotion of grief. I think that is the bottom line as to why people wonder away from our lives when we are grieving the loss of a loved one. None of this is fair and none of this seems right.
But I guess we have to see it for its truth. There is a disconnection there that needs to reconnect in our relationships. We need to unlearn what we have learned as a society as to how we understand dying, death, and grieving. We have to reach across the table to help reconnect to others that do not live in or understand our world. And we have the team advantage that they do not. We have the knowledge and wisdom of the emotion of grief. When we understand this, then we can reach over and be the first to offer the olive branch. After all, we have sat in their place before, not vice-versa. We can heal ourselves through the 10 Tenets of Grief Anonymous. We can become a strong force for change as a group. We can find a loud enough voice to ask our medical communities, our religious and social groups, and our families and friends to understand the disconnect by educating them on what we need so that the doors of communication can open. Most of the time I believe relationships fall away after grief simply because people don’t know what to say. And half of what they say pisses us off! So no wonder there is a problem!!!
Western society does a terrible job of accepting grief into the mainstream of life. It covers its eyes and ears and turns its head away. But grief is something that is so impactful in life that it effects everyone whether they see it or not. It is the big elephant in the room but with amazing internet capabilities we now have the ability to really find each other and network and share our true authentic experiences so that we can know we are not alone. I am not competitive with my work in developing Grief Anonymous. This emerging social change in the USA is too critical for that and we need all the organizations and programs and support we can get. I am asking society to consider how important the subject of grief is for all. All I can do is my part but I think I have a pretty good reading on the pulse of this issue and I am ready for this challenge. I have a university education and two decades of sales and marketing experience…But to really be able to tackle these issues one must have sat on both sides of the table to truly solve these problems on a small and large scale. I earned my degree in grief. And my education I wish on no one. And all I am doing is using my education to help give back what I have learned so that what was not there for me can be there for someone who might need it. Grief is something at some point we all have to learn unless we are the first to go. And we can change the disconnect and light the way for others.
In love and light,
Holly C Barker, Founder of Grief Anonymous