Holly C Barker
Bio: My name is Holly Barker and I am the founder of Grief Anonymous, a national support organization for grief and loss. I am also the founder of the Grief Resource Network. My husband of 14 years and the father of my son died of Malignant Melanoma skin cancer in 2014. My mission is to write honestly about our journey and to share with those that are going through the loss of a loved one or another challenging experience. I learned through this experience about the process of understanding, accepting what life hands us, and living in the continuum and connectivity to our loved ones that have passed on. If you are stuck and having a difficult time moving forward into the life that is wanted for you from above, follow me on this journey and maybe it will help you, too. Love and Light, Holly
Holly C Barker 
Awesome, Hope you are having a good time!
Your Friend, Evan Caruk
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We miss you Evan! Hope you are well!!
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Dear Holly,
Thank you for writing about anticipatory grief. It happened to me too. My Art passed from lung cancer in March 2013. He lived two months after being diagnosed. The beginning of the second month I had a complete collapse as you described. I was so ashamed. Art was dying, not me. I could barely function. He was so understanding. The only one. Over three years later I still battle grief, anxiety, fear but it is receding day by day.
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I am glad it is receding for you. The third year seems to be that way for me too. I’m slowly finding my new self and it wasn’t easy. Thank you for sharing your story.
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Lost my boyfriend to suicide 2, almost 3 (wow, I can’t believe it) months ago.
I can’t explain the place I’m in. In between devastation and depression, anxiety, separation, deep grief and yet a small inkling of hope for a good future for myself (how? Without him? I don’t know how). I feel alone without him and don’t want to be paralyzed by my emotions or the loss but it’s hard to find or be the person I was before and with him.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. I’m lost without him.
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Go to the early archives of this blog if you want to see our parallels. My husband died of cancer but we both found ourselves quite alone with all the ramifications of what that means. Your in the epicenter now and I will tell you the pain subsides over time. It does. Grief doesn’t go away- but it does transform. Stay with us.
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Hi I lost my husband of 36 years to cancer in Jan of 2013. My best friend, my lover my everything! It’s been almost 4 years and the pain is still has intense has it was the day he passed! I’ve been support groups, counselor, talk to family members, but nothing seems to work. My family and friends are tired of seeing me crying all the time! I love my husband very much and always will, ho holds a very large piece of my heart! I miss him terribly and I’m trying to take it day by day. But I’m having a really hard time moving on! I don’t know what to do anymore I cry all the time but put on a fake smile so people won’t see my pain. But inside I feel like I’m drowning! If there’s any advice you can give me on how to move on and get on with my life I’m listening I feel good going crazy from this grief! I am so lost without my husband I don’t know who I am anymore!
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Try focusing on the 10 Tenets of Grief Anonymous. The are self healing and I truly believe in them. I cling to them actually. Your grief is stuck in the epicentre that most feel for the first several months to a year. It feels like fire in your heart and soul. It’s the physical separation experience we feel when the soul of our loved one leaves his earthly body and moves back to Heaven. You two were obviously soul mates and for those type of relationships your pain is understandable and I wish your family and friends would understand. The Tenets can give your heart and mind a clear focus on you. They heal you from the inside out and make you stronger. Look on my Facebook page called Grief Anonymous and they are posted at the top! Hope this helps you sweetie! I feel your desperation and pain. Move on is not the right words to use either. Your grief will stay with you always because grief is love. But you can move forward into the life that is wanted for you from above. Allow yourself to focus on becoming a new person. Allow this pain to make you wise to this world. Give yourself the space you need to continue crying till it stops. Crying is natural and it’s okay. But also learn to breathe again. Stay with us.
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Theresa, grief takes time. No one has the same time line working through grief. No one can tell you how your grief will progress. I lost the love of my life to cancer in March of 2013. We have been grieving roughly the same time. It is my experience the intensity of the loss will always reside in you. It takes time to learn to live with it. I promise you the excruciating, knife-like pain of the grief will reside. Missing him never will. There is more life for you to live on this planet. Although it feels like you are without him, you are not. He tenderly watches over you every day If you listen with your soul, you will hear him and it will sustain you. Gentle, gentle hugs to you. Wrap the memories of his love around your heart and be encouraged. You have made it this far, one day at a time. That’s how you walk through the grief journey. The great love between you gives you the strength each day.
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