This article made its way to my newsfeed yesterday and it caught my attention. The author used her interpersonal experiences to add in some real clinical points on what happens when you have “blamers” in your life. Although she has yet to finish her discussion, she left many points to ponder.
I am a part of several grief groups online and I hear this scenario over and over again. It seems to be the way many people deal with grief and any role they may have played during the event of losing someone they love. Blaming tears families apart. It gives a negative justification for one’s feelings and actions and it can often times remain rooted and settled in one’s belief systems for life. The real issues and actions and events fade away and what is left is a skewed sense of facts that support blaming others and no real sense of introspection which can ultimately aid that person in healing.
Blame is the opposite of forgiving. Blame is a much heavier, negative energy to hold on to. It’s as if you take out of your mind your part in the event and hold it in your hands so that the action or event cannot be attached to one’s self. The blamer disowns and disconnects from his or her actions and finds it is easier to hold the blame in his or her hands and to carry around with them until it’s released or it becomes a part of them. The Blamer THINKS holding and projecting the blame is easier, but will find out with time that its just the opposite. Many never understand this reality and they suffer the consequences of holding a heavy, dense, negative energy that robs them of their ability to move freely through life. It’s most corrupt feature is its ability to hijack one’s own mind into believing its false truth and it keeps the blamer’s thoughts suspended in this negative energy rather than allowing the holder to reflect on what really happened and their part they play and how to change and how to move forward and forgive and to love and to learn. Eventually time holds the key. One can let go of this negative energy and allow in all things good, or one can make that which they hold a permanent fixture about one’s self and walk in this lifetime with a negativity that is spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally crippling. The choice is theirs to make.
As for the the one who’s blamed….See this for what it is. Bless the knowledge. Bless the soul who is in the grips of this. And give thanks for the wisdom it provides. And most importantly, forgive so that you may not be attached like a magnet to this energy. Yes, blame attracts. But so does love. Your choice.
You might think that holding on to the past to the heaviness of grievances and transgressions and negative energy of others that have hurt you is justified. We all look back from time to time at old wounds that were inflicted on us intentionally or unintentionally and feel the sting and allow the anger to simmer on. Our subconscious carries that burden in the recesses of our memories, yet we feel and carry the heaviness of it today. How do we truly go through the process of laying this down so our journey will be lighter? Holding on to this pain really affects us more than we realize. When we carry heavy negativity from the past in our backpacks with us, it forces us to take the roads and trails that we can only barely handle. We feel the burden and do not trust the higher, more lofty paths due to the acknowledgement that we can’t possibly make it with this heavy sack of emotions on our backs. This burdensome backpack of memories weighs us down causing us to keep our guards up on our paths as we move forward in life often times choosing roads and trails and paths that are easier, yet less rewarding.
The key to this journey is to lighten your emotional load. The way to do this is counter-intuitive. When we look back at what has happened to us we must place ourselves in the circle with those that caused us harm and to accept that we played a part in some way through our decisions and choices. This isn’t easy to do, but it can be done. When we give focus to even just a small amount to our part, and accept the outcome~ we assume and accept part of that energy that was created was ours. Believe it or not, by doing this, we lighten our loads, we do not add to them. This is not in any way an assumption of guilt. What it is though is a higher level of understanding as to why that person or circumstance was in our path to begin with. What were we seeking at the time? What was our focus? What really went wrong? Or was it just time to move on and learn and grow from the experience. If we stay on guard or continue to ruminate over the actions and words and deeds of others, this weight grows. It burdens our emotional and physical and spiritual wellbeing and can manifest into decisions of future paths that are not intended for our highest good. When we take on personal accountability for our part in past negative experiences we lighten weight in our hearts and minds. We rise above the finger-pointing and anger and blame. From a universal perspective anger and blame are much heavier substances than love, understanding, and forgiveness. We know this to be true because we all feel the lightness of a loving heart and a clear conscience. We also know the weighted feelings of blame and anger. One emotion builds while the other destroys.
Lay the past down if your backpack has grown heavy and is wearing you down and taking away your breath. Take a look back at the whole valley you have traveled through. See the beauty and the shadows. Admire the clouds, the sounds of the birds, the smell of the flowers, and feel the gratitude of the higher understanding of lessons learned. Ask for peace and accept all that was. All that is. Be open to all that will be with a hopeful heart.