You’re darn right I brainwash my son. He goes through a cleansing often and it’s a powerful process…See, we as parents have a obligation to our children. We show them right and wrong. We need to expose them just enough to this world so that they have a healthy respect for what’s out there. This goes for the good and the bad. They do need to know. But then here is where the brainwashing begins for my son. He has a mind of his own. He is his own person. He has learned and seen and been impacted by so many things in his young life (as many of our children have); and instead of expecting him to accept it and give away his power, I wash away that expectation and he is allowed to think and decide for himself. He can question what he has heard. Question what he has seen. And ultimately~ question what he knows. He is also allowed to speak his mind, his truth, and to ask. Children are often taught to not question authority. They need some brainwashing from this line of thinking if they are to build confidence in themselves. I want him to think independently and become confident in what he knows to be true by arriving at his own conclusions and make decisions about how he feels about his own experience. How else is he going to grow up and think on his feet as an adult man?
As a young girl this brainwashing was the gift my Mom gave me. She brainwashed out of my mind the negative side of expectations of how children communicate in their world. “Use your voice” is something my mother said to my sister and I constantly as we were growing up. “Stand up for yourself, Holly.” Use your intuition and let your heart guide you. Speak your mind. It was the most valuable gift she ever gave me. And I am passing it on to my son. So, thank you, Mom!
I want to write about this. Not to compare or to say I understand. But to imagine, so I can somehow join with those in support and care and comfort to those that have. I know the loss of a spouse. So I will start at that disconnect and write forward.
For me and anyone who has not lost a child, the loss of a child as a parent is unimaginable. And grief is the highest level of emotional, physical, and spiritual pain there is. I can only imagine when a parent loses a child the physical pain is akin to your heart burning from the inside out. There is an emotional layer to our physical form that becomes burned, scarred, and is no longer flexible . Grief over the loss of a child affects the eyesight, the brain, the heart, the lungs for one has lost part of their living DNA. It hurts to breathe, to see, and to move at times. Bereaved parents often say when my child died, a part of me died. This perhaps, is the physical level of grieving the loss of a child.
I can imagine the emotional pain comes from the lack of the ability to hear their child’s sweet voice. We as parents can pick our child’s voice easily out of a noisy crowd. Hearing their voice is very deep emotional connection for us. It’s primal in nature and is connected to our bodily functions such as our adrenals for flight or fight response, or our mind’s nature to protect and defend, our hearts to nurture and comfort, our eyes to see and help. The void lives here too. This connection from our emotional selves to our bodily systems never dies and one who loses that child feels the aching of this unused portion of their emotions for the rest of their lives, regardless if you have other children.
The imagery I see of the spiritual pain of losing a child is tragic for a parent. We all see the love and the light within our children. We feel their happy spirits and it in turn heals us and helps us to see the beauty in this world. When a child moves from physical form into God’s hands we acknowledge they are protected and loved and divinely embraced. We know we will see them again. But I believe this doesn’t always help a parent’s earthy movement forward after loss. The soul of a bereaved parent is left with a void that has a deep pain that no person who has not experienced this personally will ever understand, nor wants to. All we can do is offer our presence in their lives. Our love. Our support. Know that this void never leaves for these injured friends. We should give them a lifetime of understanding. A lifetime of love. And a lifetime of service to support them.
My prayer today is to hopefully connect and let you know we may not fully understand, but in love, we try.
Love and Light