The Unimaginable: Losing a Child, From the Perspective of One Who Hasn’t

I want to write about this. Not to compare or to say I understand. But to imagine, so I can somehow join with those in support and care and comfort to those that have. I know the loss of a spouse.   So I will start at that disconnect and write forward.

For me and anyone who has not lost a child, the loss of a child as a parent is unimaginable. And grief is the highest level of emotional, physical, and spiritual pain there is. I can only imagine when a parent loses a child the physical pain is akin to your heart burning from the inside out. There is an emotional layer to our physical form that becomes burned, scarred, and is no longer flexible . Grief over the loss of a child affects the eyesight, the brain, the heart, the lungs for one has lost part of their living DNA.  It hurts to breathe, to see, and to move at times.  Bereaved parents often say when my child died, a part of me died.  This perhaps, is the physical level of grieving the loss of a child.

I can imagine the emotional pain comes from the lack of the ability to hear their child’s sweet voice. We as parents can pick our child’s voice easily out of a noisy crowd.  Hearing their voice is very deep emotional connection for us. It’s primal in nature and is connected to our bodily functions such as our adrenals for flight or fight response, or our mind’s nature to protect and defend, our hearts to nurture and comfort, our eyes to see and help. The void lives here too. This connection from our emotional selves to our bodily systems never dies and one who loses that child feels the aching of this unused portion of their emotions for the rest of their lives, regardless if you have other children.

The imagery I see of the spiritual pain of losing a child is tragic for a parent. We all see the love and the light within our children. We feel their happy spirits and it in turn heals us and helps us to see the beauty in this world. When a child moves from physical form into God’s hands we acknowledge they are protected and loved and divinely embraced. We know we will see them again. But I believe this doesn’t always help a parent’s earthy movement forward after loss. The soul of a bereaved parent is left with a void that has a deep pain that no person who has not experienced this personally will ever understand, nor wants to. All we can do is offer our presence in their lives. Our love. Our support. Know that this void never leaves for these injured friends. We should give them a lifetime of understanding. A lifetime of love. And a lifetime of service to support them.

My prayer today is to hopefully connect and let you know we may not fully understand, but in love, we try.

Love and Light
Holly

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Nature and Art are Healers of Grief

Being in the forest is art and life in motion. The greens, browns, grays and blacks, reds and purple, and white flowers abound. I now have an amazing appreciation for seeing the cycle of nature unfold and I allow it to show its beauty to me. I find value and understanding in getting out into nature and looking at the new shoots rising from the ground preening for sunlight and raindrops. I see the dying tree trunks slowly returning their wood to the earth in respect and gratitude. One can really find acceptance in life and what it brings to you if you open your eyes to what is really going on around you. There is so much parallel in nature as in our own lives. The cycle plays out for us before our eyes and it wants desperately to show us all the beauty in life and to not be afraid.

Enjoy your seasons.  Enjoy the change it brings into your life. If you are hurting or need a sign – be drawn to your environment to look for healing.  Let your spirit guide you! Feel open to express your view or experience with your pen or paintbrush, your footsteps, or your camera. Open your ears to the sounds around you. There is healing in the sounds of the forest and the birds. They can remind you that you are alive and your presence here in this world still has purpose.

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The same goes for the music in our lives. Allow music to guide your heart. Music will help you play out your emotions and carry you through to the end of the song. Play it. Really play it out. Over and over and over again until you feel at peace. Find a song that fits your journey and let the vibrational words and rhythm fill your soul until you are full. Music can draw out pain like medicine if you let it.

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I took all this photographs during the first year after my husband’s passing from cancer.  I found photography and writing to be a way to help me heal from my pain and trauma.  I encourage you to find a passion for releasing your own pain.  It will give you something to look back on and remind you of how far you’ve come!