Grief Anonymous

I am more than excited to launch this organization.  It has been several years in the making for sure and it will continue to evolve and transform over the days, weeks,and years to come.  I have so much to say about this organization that there just isn’t enough time here in this one post to describe it in its entirety.  So let me just start with a few words about the  beginnings of GA. In the days to follow I will continue to add it all to this blog with a book to follow shortly. GA’s roots began to form after I transferred my writings from Caringbridge from when my husband was first diagnosed into http://www.hollycbarker.com after my husband passed away from cancer as a means to cope and to share in hopes that maybe my journey might help someone to know they are not alone in their grief.  What came to pass was a growing membership of people from around the world and right here in the USA coming to the page to connect and read someone’s shared grief experience.  From this catalyst of losing my husband, the writing has also allowed me to continue to write about the connection we all have to humanity and to a Higher Power.  Through my husband’s diagnosis and into his passing and onward through my recovery that Source of Love and Light has never left my side.  During the summer of his original cancer diagnosis in 2006, I was shown a vision of a bright, loving, beautiful light.  It was shown to me during the lowest and saddest time of my life.  I was shown and was able to feel the love God has for me, and also the pure simple love we all have for one another.  It is from this experience that the circular gold light has been created from the vision  into what is now the GA symbol.  The small circles surrounding this Light are the Tenets of Recovery.  Ten actionable concepts to follow in order to recover from grief.  These Ten Tenets are the premise and bedrock for this organization.  This group is for all to attend, no matter what your religious beliefs are or not.   No matter your ethnic origin or race.  Male or female.  Young and old. Social situation.  Grief is a collective human experience that has been in the shadows for way too long.  Now is the time for cumulative action to be taken to link us all who are on this path.  We can then be there waiting for those who will join us.  Grief Anonymous will be the light where there is darkness and bring hope to those who are bereaved and in need of fellowship, understanding, and support.

The Ten Tenets of Grief Anonymous:

  1. Belief in a higher power or consciousness
  2. Find or create a sanctuary for healing
  3. Focus on the physical fundamentals of sleep, diet, and exercise
  4. Practice baby steps and leaps of faith
  5. Acceptance of your loss
  6. Facing your fears
  7. Learning to forgive and what forgiveness really means
  8. Finding a creative outlet for your grief
  9. Embracing your new authentic self
  10. Giving back

http://www.griefanonymous.com is under construction and will be ready soon!

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Brainwashing My Child

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You’re darn right I brainwash my son.  He goes through a cleansing often and it’s a powerful process…See, we as parents have a obligation to our children.  We show them right and wrong.  We need to expose them just enough to this world so that they have a healthy respect for what’s out there.  This goes for the good and the bad.  They do need to know.  But then here is where the brainwashing begins for my son.  He has a mind of his own. He is his own person.  He has learned and seen and been impacted by so many things in his young life (as many of our children have); and instead of expecting him to accept it and give away his power, I wash away that expectation and he is allowed to think and decide for himself.  He can question what he has heard.  Question what he has seen.  And ultimately~ question what he knows. He is also allowed to speak his mind, his truth, and to ask.  Children are often taught to not question authority.  They need some brainwashing from this line of thinking if they are to build confidence in themselves. I want him to think independently and become confident in what he knows to be true by arriving at his own conclusions and make decisions about how he feels about his own experience.  How else is he going to grow up and think on his feet as an adult man?

As a young girl this brainwashing was the gift my Mom gave me. She brainwashed out of my mind the negative side of expectations of how children communicate in their world.  “Use your voice” is something my mother said to my sister and I constantly as we were growing up.  “Stand up for yourself, Holly.”  Use your intuition and let your heart guide you.  Speak your mind.  It was the most valuable gift she ever gave me.  And I am passing it on to my son.  So, thank you, Mom!

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The Most Powerful Form of Love is the Love of a Child, A Thank You Letter

Wow- there is a powerful love that is the closest to God here on Earth.  That love is his power shown through the love of children.  Children have a love that is so pure and innocent.  A love that has the ability to set us free from our worries and cares.  Who else out there who has children and who remembers the nights our little boys fell asleep in our arms as they have their last  bottle for the day.  Who knows the love we feel wrapped up in a warm winter blanket with our daughters curled up reading a good book?  If you want to know God, then know children.  His Light is brightest through their eyes.   Their energy stays with their toys and pillows and blankies throughout the years.  We keep these items and never throw them away because all of their good positive childhood energy is stored in them in the form of memories.  We feel these memories and hold that old teddy bear tightly.

I want to share with you the reason for this journal.  Tonight I picked up an art poster drawn by children for my son.   This is not just any old poster.  This poster blew me away with its amazing beautiful energy tonight as I picked it up.  This poster’s power ran through me and touched my heart and gut and beamed down through and out my feet.  I was completely shocked at the feeling I felt.  It was then that  I realized what it was.  This energy burst that went through me was the stored-up love shared by children for my son.

And….I want to share with you the reason for this energy.  This poster was written in a mosaic form from each one of his friends and classmates.  This poster was written with love; a connected, deep, powerful love that children can feel and show.  It was an artistic endeavor combined with an act of friendship that all those children shared with my son in his darkest hours.  This poster was written to my son a week after his father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died 5 weeks later.  This poster will remain on his wall for as long as he needs its beautiful, powerful, God-filled Love.

 

Thank you to all you wonderful boys and girls of Waterdown, Canada that fill my son’s heart with love.  Your love and light is captured in this poster and encircles my son with peace on a daily basis.  And for that I am and will always be eternally grateful.

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Healing Humanity: from my Native American Spirit Grandmother:

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Through Divine Light, God asked Mother Earth, the Sun and Wind, and Father Ocean to bequeath all the beautiful natural elements from every corner of the globe to create us in his image. And it was done.

In the hot regions of our Earth the soil was rich with ancient plant matter and volcanic ashes and sand. Precious elementals formed from the heat and from there came the dark-skinned beautiful beings. From the red-clayed cliffs and slopes of the mountains we shall take the vibrant ochre elements of this beautiful area and make the passionately-spiritual red-skinned souls. The salty rocks and seashores of the North are tough and rugged and majestic. The sun shines brightly here through reflected ice caps. Here the tall, light-eyed, light-skinned humans took hold. From the East humans emerged from the green landscapes and jungles and steamy heat. Shielded from the sun and warmed by the humid lush surroundings they become a golden yellowy hue.  All special, all gifted from the elementals of Mother Earth, and all Divine.

There is beauty in all color and hue and tone. We were all created with love and made of the majestic sources from Mother Earth. We must celebrate this beautiful capacity for this plant to create such amazing diverse humans. Yet we have fallen off our path and have forgotten our origins and intent. God created us all beautiful and all unique for our enjoyment and for the opportunity to live and to learn about others so that we may grow within. This was the intent. This is not what has happened. Mankind has fallen off this path. We got suck during our time of personal developmental understanding and personal recognition and we did not take the step to look outward for beauty and diversified existence. We stayed inward and began to fear the others. We caste them out when they came into our environment.  We threw them out when we came into theirs. We disdained their differences and called ours best. We did not seek to see the beauty of where they came from and we tried to assimilate them into what we considered good and right and beautiful. A terrible imbalance formed and the Negative Elements of the underground took this open opportunity to plant roots within our world. At some point the choice to stay within our personal views became the tipping point. The pendulum has swung to far and we now have to do our utmost to find our true path as a human race.  As One.

The pendulum is slowly beginning to swing back. We are starting to see the error of our ways. We are beginning to appreciate the beauty of our differences. We are able to reach out globally and are truly seeing the vibrant lives of others. We no longer only have to use the definitions our governments or our media give us to teach us about each other. We now have the ability to really communicate through the Internet and other sources in real time and see for ourselves. We see that you love your children. We see the beauty of your festivals and traditions and foods and songs. They makes us want to jump through our screens and join you in dance and song and fellowship. We don’t want to hear only about the negativity because usually it’s a small segment in a grand beautiful story. We need to not rely on what the headlines say because the story is in details that are often unheard. We need to focus on our humanity and our diverse beauty.  We need to forgive ourselves for losing our way on the path of humanity and right this awful wrong. We should all ask forgiveness of our ancestors in any of their transgressions and aspire to correct that which caused hurt, disease, hunger, poverty, and separation.  Our futures, all our futures depend on this. Love and its surrounding Light has risen up to meet this challenge because we are all worth this battle ahead. The fundamental core truth is in the end: Love Conquers All.

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A Prayer for Us All. It Starts with One for Another, and Through the Ripple Effect~ it can Change the Course of Humanity.

I want to share a prayer with everyone. This prayer is very simple, yet all encompassing. If you have lost your way through all the turmoil both in your own space and in the world at large, or anger has taken you off your path and negative energy has made you hit rock bottom then this is especially for you. It is meant for all, but with added healing for those in these circumstances. For as you accept this prayer into your life and be open to what comes to you, know you will receive from your asking for it. Your only responsibility you have after you say it with utmost intent and hope~ is to stay aware. Watch. Listen. Learn what comes to you from your feelings, chills or warmth, signs, and symbols that repeat themselves with pattern in your space. Oftentimes the last disconnect of communication between us and God is the asking and then not following through by being open and aware. We forget what we’ve asked for sometimes. This is where those that are here to help with answers to our prayers now wait for you to remember that you asked. Once you become aware of their presence~ your Spirit guides, deceased loved ones, angels, Archangels, and all that encompasses love and guidance~ then you will see how easy it is to communicate, to ask, to feel loved and supported ongoing. Below is one way to reach Them, and they are reaching out to you to say, “We are here.” A prayer is really “an ask”. We go to God to ask. All of us are at different levels of soul learning. Some choose not to ask at all. Some choose to ask and then they forget. Some ask for the wrong thing and then they get the right thing and do not recognize the gift in front of them because it’s not what they asked for. Those are not unanswered prayers. Those are answered prayers.

So here is my simple prayer, my all-inclusive prayer that was shown to me. Say this to yourself every day and every night and really focus on the words. Say them until it hums like a mantra.

God and All Above for our Highest and Best~Help me (reach your hands up).

And help me (look up)~ help you (look straight)~ help them (look out and down). Amen

This prayer I just described is a simple loving plea from you. “God help me in my life. And help me to know how to try and help others. “. This a service love prayer to serve your fellow man. And we all know the Golden Rule. It’s a part of this prayerful equation. 

Another prayer to help you is if you feel negativity around you and you need to find a quiet place in your surroundings and in your mind to bring back in good energy~ then say this prayer. Say it over and over again until you feel the positive energy rush back to you.. The first time you say it, it will begin to work. But you need to say it until you feel safe. Feel comforted. And feel peace. Like a mantra. Like a chant.

Only through Love and Light to me you shall pass.

This simple prayer above is a prayer of protection against the negative energies that are omnipresent in our daily lives ready to seize any opportunity of throwing us off our life course. With help from above and being open to the communication, we can work towards enlightenment, faith, understanding, peace, and love with an ease in our hearts knowing we are never alone and only what is wanted for us is our highest and best. Amen.IMG_1417

A Message from Above~ Love One Another

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Never give up your spiritual quest to know God! Seek out and find what resonates within you. Just as you are unique, so are the paths to find him. Learn everything that you can learn and never stop that process. We are all spiritual students for life. From spiritual learning and growth, one finds direction and purpose. God comes to us in many forms. He’s not a foreign concept in our minds; rather a familiar something that we gravitate towards and it resonates within our understanding of the world we live in. Through our history, our DNA, our tastes and interests, and our families he finds us and he connects with us.

Truly indeed, God loves us all! We are all his children and we are all worthy of living happy, prosperous, productive, giving lives. This kind of connection is of pure desire borne of love for each of us. This love is indescribable in any high word in any language, and he has it for us all.

We must seek him within our own understanding and we must try to realize that others see him differently from their own visions, own environment, and own belief systems. This is what makes us all unique and different and is one of the many yet important tasks we have to learn here as a human race. We as humans jump many of the hurdles that are put in front of us, but this is one we are losing on a massive, collective global scale. We need to embrace one another. Learn about each other. Accept one another. Show compassion and love for one another. This is the one thing that must change for the better; for our collective future depends on it.

Last night the bombings in Paris were the tipping point. The catalyst. We must for our highest and best from a personal standpoint to a global standpoint learn to LOVE ONE ANOTHER! We are at the precipice now on a global scale. We must through our actions rise above the hate and the violence and the intolerance to see the larger perspective of human oneness. What we do to others, we do to ourselves. Can we please take a small moment and pause to consider God’s love for humanity and the possibility of peace before we all plunge ourselves into a massive world war of hate and violence that will lead us to trying to wipe each other off the planet. We all have a great choice to make. Let us choose wisely. Either way, we will succeed.

Love and for Your Highest Best,

Holly

How to Lighten The Emotional Load You Carry

You might think that holding on to the past to the heaviness of grievances and transgressions and negative energy of others that have hurt you is justified.  We all look back from time to time at old wounds that were inflicted on us intentionally or unintentionally and feel the sting and allow the anger to simmer on. Our subconscious carries that burden in the recesses of our memories, yet we feel and carry the heaviness of it today.  How do we truly go through the process of laying this down so our journey will be lighter?  Holding on to this pain really affects us more than we realize.  When we carry heavy negativity from the past in our backpacks with us, it forces us to take the roads and trails that we can only barely handle.  We feel the burden and do not trust the higher, more lofty paths due to the acknowledgement that we can’t possibly make it with this heavy sack of emotions on our backs.  This burdensome backpack of memories weighs us down causing us to  keep our guards up on our paths as we move forward in life often times choosing roads and trails and paths that are easier, yet less rewarding.

The key to this journey is to lighten your emotional load.  The way to do this is counter-intuitive.  When we look back at what has happened to us we must place ourselves in the circle with those that caused us harm and to accept that we played a part in some way through our decisions and choices. This isn’t easy to do, but it can be done. When we give focus to even just a small amount to our part, and accept the outcome~ we assume and accept part of that energy that was created was ours.  Believe it or not, by doing this, we lighten our loads, we do not add to them.  This is not in any way an assumption of guilt.  What it is though is a higher level of understanding as to why that person or circumstance was in our path to begin with.  What were we seeking at the time?  What was our focus?  What really went wrong?  Or was it just time to move on and learn and grow from the experience.  If we stay on guard or continue to ruminate over the actions and words and deeds of others, this weight grows.  It burdens our emotional and physical and spiritual wellbeing and can manifest into decisions of future paths that are not intended for our highest good.  When we take on personal accountability for our part in past negative experiences we lighten weight in our hearts and minds.  We rise above the finger-pointing and anger and blame.  From a universal perspective anger and blame are much heavier substances than love, understanding, and forgiveness.  We know this to be true because we all feel the lightness of a loving heart and a clear conscience.  We also know the weighted feelings of blame and anger.  One emotion builds while the other destroys.

Lay the past down if your backpack has grown heavy and is wearing you down and taking away your breath. Take a look back at the whole valley you have traveled through. See the beauty and the shadows.  Admire the clouds, the sounds of the birds, the smell of the flowers, and feel the gratitude of the higher understanding of lessons learned.  Ask for peace and accept all that was. All that is. Be open to all that will be with a hopeful heart.

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Rosalinda’s Story: Stepping Back from Suicide with a Smile

Rosalinda’s Story: Stepping back from Suicide with a Smile

This is a most welcome support group. If only we had this earlier, I would have been guided in my 3 days state of shock, when I could neither cry, eat nor sleep for days and in my prolonged mourning. For the first three months, there was no moment when I was not in tears. I saw my husband everywhere and at dawn, I would give in to intense sobbing. There was even a time when I became suicidal. It has been 2 1/2 years since, and I am still in mourning clothes, his pictures are all around my room, as I talk to them and his clothes still hang in our walk in closet, to hug when I would feel so lonely. By now, I know that I have not been coping well. It is only lately that I sport a genuine smile, and could react with a chuckle.

First of all, a BIG THANK YOU Rosalinda for sharing your story with authenticity and what life has been like for you for the past two and a half years. The good and hopeful part about your story is the ending~ you are starting to genuinely smile again and have found you can start to laugh a little. Baby steps are crucial for us. And also sometimes giant leaps are too, even if we stumble. I wrote a blog post early last year when my husband first passed away from cancer called “Training Wheels” and I used this analogy when I was in this space and it helped me. Maybe it will help others too. It is about learning to live “AS IF”. Because everything we know changes in the moment we lose that person and our new life begins. It is a process and many of us get stuck in the physical separation of grief. It takes time to learn our new lives and for me, living “AS IF” provided a Godsend answer.

Training Wheels

Most of us learn to ride a bike using training wheels as kids.  We learn how to get up on the seat, balance ourselves, and steer while peddling.  We learn how to break and watch for cars. But the training wheels are what enable us to move forward and to feel what it is like to authentically ride. We get a grounded feeling, a oneness with the road with the help of those training wheels.  Eventually they come off and we are free to roam. Steady. Self-assured.  Not looking down but out to what life puts in front of us.

Right now I am trying to live a life “as if” and I feel it’s a good place to be.   I am trying to live now based on what I envision I want for myself down the road.  It’s not that I am trying to bury my grief into the recesses of my brain and just carry on; I just have my training wheels on.  I have no end goal in mind in terms of when I will get the wrench out to unscrew those little-helper wheels, but I know that I will know the feeling when it comes.  When I feel a oneness with the road and I feel free to roam, I will slip into that life that I have been living and catch up with my actions.

My belief is that during the epicenter of the death of a loved one, living authentically is nearly impossible. Your whole definition of who you are is profoundly changed because “no man is an island.”   Some people have had time to consider what is about to happen~ and such was my case. Maybe Rosalinda didn’t and like so many others felt there was no other option than to join her deceased husband. The link below is a sobering view of a statistical fact that suicide is much higher for widows and widowers, especially during the first three years. And I write to all of you, both those who are bereaved and those who want to support and understand that these years are the crucial ones. Please don’t give up on us. Make a genuine effort to stay connected to this person through it all. You might actually be the link to them deciding to stay with us.

http://depressivedisorder.blogspot.com/2011/03/bereavement-leading-to-suicide.html

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255

I pray to you, God, that this journal finds its way to those that might be considering this option and to those who need a spark of inspiration to pick up the phone or stop by to see someone who is suffering the worst of grief in that they may be lifted up by your Angels and given hope that life is important and it does get better.

Thank you,

Holly

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New Blog to Build a Bridge of Help, Support, and Healing

I want to share my new website with you all.  Please take a look.  Its an interactive site to help those who are grieving communicate with those who are on the other side and don’t know what to say or do to help.  Hopefully this builds a bridge of love and support and understanding so those that feel alone on this grieving journey will be understood and supported and those that want to help will now know how to or to a least, understand.

Love and Light

Holly

http://www.grievingjourney.com