Grief Anonymous

I am more than excited to launch this organization.  It has been several years in the making for sure and it will continue to evolve and transform over the days, weeks,and years to come.  I have so much to say about this organization that there just isn’t enough time here in this one post to describe it in its entirety.  So let me just start with a few words about the  beginnings of GA. In the days to follow I will continue to add it all to this blog with a book to follow shortly. GA’s roots began to form after I transferred my writings from Caringbridge from when my husband was first diagnosed into http://www.hollycbarker.com after my husband passed away from cancer as a means to cope and to share in hopes that maybe my journey might help someone to know they are not alone in their grief.  What came to pass was a growing membership of people from around the world and right here in the USA coming to the page to connect and read someone’s shared grief experience.  From this catalyst of losing my husband, the writing has also allowed me to continue to write about the connection we all have to humanity and to a Higher Power.  Through my husband’s diagnosis and into his passing and onward through my recovery that Source of Love and Light has never left my side.  During the summer of his original cancer diagnosis in 2006, I was shown a vision of a bright, loving, beautiful light.  It was shown to me during the lowest and saddest time of my life.  I was shown and was able to feel the love God has for me, and also the pure simple love we all have for one another.  It is from this experience that the circular gold light has been created from the vision  into what is now the GA symbol.  The small circles surrounding this Light are the Tenets of Recovery.  Ten actionable concepts to follow in order to recover from grief.  These Ten Tenets are the premise and bedrock for this organization.  This group is for all to attend, no matter what your religious beliefs are or not.   No matter your ethnic origin or race.  Male or female.  Young and old. Social situation.  Grief is a collective human experience that has been in the shadows for way too long.  Now is the time for cumulative action to be taken to link us all who are on this path.  We can then be there waiting for those who will join us.  Grief Anonymous will be the light where there is darkness and bring hope to those who are bereaved and in need of fellowship, understanding, and support.

The Ten Tenets of Grief Anonymous:

  1. Belief in a higher power or consciousness
  2. Find or create a sanctuary for healing
  3. Focus on the physical fundamentals of sleep, diet, and exercise
  4. Practice baby steps and leaps of faith
  5. Acceptance of your loss
  6. Facing your fears
  7. Learning to forgive and what forgiveness really means
  8. Finding a creative outlet for your grief
  9. Embracing your new authentic self
  10. Giving back

http://www.griefanonymous.com is under construction and will be ready soon!

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The Death of a Light Worker

I was shocked.  Utterly shocked.  It was out of the blue for all of us fans.  I had been listening to Prince lately.  I had played several of his memorable songs recently and was contemplating how to incorporate them into a journal because his words and talents, skills and abilities to dive deep into the human condition resonate with me so much~ not just the words of his songs~ but the music itself was a language of its own.

Prince was a Light Worker.  His gift was communication through music.  His goal was for all of us to LOVE one another.  Pay attention.  Bridge gaps.  Question and rise up against that which we know is not true and is unjust.  He changed his name.  It’s hard to download  his songs due to how corrupt the music industry is right now.  He wasn’t just standing up for himself. He was standing up for all people with gifts like his.

I so admire that in him.

He spoke of seeing Angels.  He believed in God.  He lived in gratitude.  Said his prayers.  And never asked for much.  He was a huge philanthropist. And did so anonymously.  His love and his passion came out in the form of music and he shared it with everyone.  He was a crowd swayer.  We vibed to his melody, his voice, and his instruments.  He was a part of  our younger days and remained a favorite for so many of us.

I feel a real loss though.  I think many of us do.   We danced 8th grade slow dances with our first crushes to Purple Rain.  We had posters of him. We went to his concerts and watched him turn a disastrous, rainy Super Bowl into a classic amazing show. How fitting for him to show us in the midst of discomfort and life’s uncertainties~ we can dance and sing our asses off!!  And he helped us understand how it was okay to be unique, fun, and different.

I feel I took his presence in music for granted.  Its an odd feeling.  I never really felt like this about a famous musician.  We didn’t see the sum total of what he was doing; how he was living his life, how he was helping humanity on a large and small scale.  His good actions and deeds, his purpose and life should have been more in the forefront of what gets attention these days.  He was a model human being.  I wish he would have known the magnitude of love we all had for him.  Maybe he would still be with us mesmerizing us with his guitar and his eccentric ways.

Rest in Peace, Prince.  You were a kind, soft-spoken, generous, genius, amazingly talented gift to humanity.  You deserve to be remembered wearing the highest color of divinity.

 

 

 

 

 

An Open Letter to the Human Race: Please Love One Another, by Holly C Barker

Our children are simply not going to be prepared for the world we are handing them if we keep heading in the direction we are in. It’s a two-fold reason.
1.We shelter them from so much. Remember our childhoods where we disappeared into the woods for hours only to emerge at dinner time? Wasn’t that an awesome experience?? But because of the state of our minds these days we collectively shield them from all the negativity out there in the world. And even with our most intimate family relationship struggles we don’t tell them what’s happening and the authentic reasons why. We want to protect and preserve their innocence of not knowing what we know. This does not serve them for their own growth and understanding of how the family dynamic can work with positive outcomes (whatever they may be) so they understand and use the knowledge gained as a means to build their future relationships they form.
2.We are creating that world that we want to shelter our kids from. We are the cause and effect of what we don’t want for our children. This starts at the level of individuals and how they treat each other all the way to global communities.
For this simplistic reason alone we must learn to love and trust each other again. We need to put focus of the positives in this world through our own eyes and thoughts all the way to what the media wants to show us. If we want positive and ask for it- they will show it. If we as people gravitate towards the positive, the “powers to produce” will create opportunities in the media to show us that which we ask and yearn for. It’s both our responsibilities. We look for the negative because we want to be informed by what’s possible out there so that we may protect our children and our own well-beings. Which is a just cause. But only to a point. Somehow the energy and focus of negativity of the hardest-core, farthest end of the spectrum took over as a 1% occurrence or less and became all encompassing in our minds as shown through our media and the actions and reactions of all of us. The 1% horrible, negative took over our fears, and then took over the media, which then feed our minds that we were correct in our assumptions about that which we fear the most. But it was only an illusion of our worst fears that began to then manifest. Folks- this is dangerous and we are headed in this direction. This is where our momentum and focus began to shift and the manifestation of our fears came true. We need to pull the reigns of the horse of life and turn her back to galloping into the sunrise of a new direction and perspective of our futures and the human race itself and what we want to hand to our children.

Seek out the positive. It takes less energy. It makes you feel good. It makes you feel safe. It makes you feel love and compassion for the people around you. And it makes you happy. When we collectively turn our focus towards positive types of energy and actually want and ask for it???? Our families, the media, governments both local and national, the governing world bodies and organizations will have to take notice.
We will save ourselves by starting with how we treat the person next to us with loving, respectful, compassionate intent.

Amen.

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2015 in review

I wanted to send out the Year In Review for my blog to those that follow me. Viewer from 137 countries and approximately 5,500 people a month came to read.  Thank you for continuing to stay with me on this journey and know above all else- LOVE CONQUERS ALL and we must do our best and utmost to LOVE ONE ANOTHER!  I am truly hopeful for 2016 to be the year of at least 2 published books!  Gotta have goals, y’all!

Love and Light to Us All,

Holly

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 54,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 20 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

All Equals One and One Equals All

How to use the Ripple Effect to Change the World:

Its so simple.  So easy. There is no complicated mathematical equation.  Just a basic principle of All equals One and One equals All.

When we do a good deed towards one person, that effect is just as powerful as if we did it to all of humanity.  That is how to solve the problems of this world.  When we recognize the power that lies within one good deed towards the other, we realize we have the ability to change the world for the better.  One man can help one child.  And at the end of his life he wonders if he was good enough during his time on earth because he only helped one child.  And Spirit answers back.  That one child was Ghandi.  Or Jesus.  Or Mother Teresa.  Or Malala. Or any noble peace prize winner.  Or that child grew up to be a great parent, teacher, minister, or astronaut. See??  That one man, by helping one child, helped the world to be a better place. It is the Ripple Effect.

When we see this is possible…  And we realize that individually we all matter to the world?  Then we will truly understand the concept of All Equals One and One Equals All.

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Seek Out the Positive: Message to the Media

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We see what we look for. We hear what we want to hear. We believe what we want to believe.

We are all now glued to the news shows. The reports are on the terrorist events of recent, politics and campaigning, and how the world is responding. Are we stopping to think that there is a whole world out there where positive things are happening in response to these atrocities along side of this violence, hate, misery, and grief?  What is making us a society that wants to focus only on the bad? When did evil and hate and violence become the dominant topic of choice and not love, compassion, helpful acts, peace and sharing?  When did our good elemental human aspects fall out of favor in the media and our need to see the negative be allowed to overwhelm our senses of seeing, hearing, feeling, and knowing? Here is my humble perspective for what it’s worth….

I have turned on the TV very few times since Jordon died. Both times were to check the weather forecast or to watch a movie or two. Last week I was glued to the TV watching the violence unfold around the globe. Wow! What a different feeling I have now as I watch what is going on in the world. I feel like I just returned from a space journey to land in a new time. I’ve had enough to deal with on my own little planet with losing my husband to cancer last year and because of that other issues haven’t made my priority list lately. The murder and protests, the refugee crisis, and the state of the world economy that are being portrayed in the media are giving slant and focus to this negativity.  This is so telling of where we all are from a mental perspective nowadays. The media is so perpetually negative.  It’s not all their fault, as we seek to see what we must protect ourselves from, yet we create a skewed image that builds with time.  We are tuning in and plugging emotional energy into the negative and breathing quantum physical life into it all. We see negative images on TV or other media, feel it, and absorb it and some of that energy manifests into our beliefs and value systems. It grows there. We become acclimated to it and accept it as truth.

Well~ it isn’t Truth. We can change what we want to see and believe. We can turn our own minds away from this darkness we feel around us that is omnipresent in the media and into the light if we collectively want to. Negativity has manifested over the years in the media and there are those out there that want to maximize this fear and dread.  We have to stand up and stop this energy by the use of love and the need to see the good in the world.  We need to seek out examples of the positive. Focus on what we can do to be a more loving, tolerant planet for the greater good.   We can do this in a positive fashion with even greater possibilities of transformative manifestation. With personal intent we can refocus that which ultimately serves us better as people, friends, co-workers, families, neighbors, and the larger society.  We can change our worldly perspective.  Focusing on the positive, the giving, the support, the servitude even in the midst of hellish situations helps the roots of our mind grow to know that love will overcome these past two weeks.  Darkness and evil will not win, but they are trying like they never have before.  We must be aware of this and respect this energy as a reality.  BUT~ We, the Collective Human Race, will win this battle through positive acts and our core understanding that a benevolent God and the universe created us all.  We win through knowing that we are all good souls on this earth.  Together we will learn who we are, living together in peace and harmony and accepting and enjoying each others unique differences as has and always will be the intention of why we are here to begin with.  The media has the power to do this too.

Try to seek out positive examples and let its ripple effect flow into our minds and hearts.  Be that person this week that does something good for humanity whether it be big or small.  It all matters.  It all makes a difference.

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Ask and Ye Shall Receive on Heaven’s Watch, Not Ours…

Last week was my son’s last football game for the season. It was an emotional day for many, many reasons. One being my son had done so well during his first season of football ever. I was so proud of him for making the team and for playing a starting position his first season of the sport in his life. See, I pulled him from hockey after 7 years of him playing it to move him back home to the south. He was ready for the change because hockey represented a heavy void in his life because his father passed away from cancer last year. He couldn’t think of hockey without feeling a terrible pain of sadness for the loss of his father. So instinctively we both knew it was time for a change to something positive without the intense, sad, emotional ties to the past. Some people did not respect my decision and did not ask for my son’s feelings about this decision that we both made. It was painful for us to not feel that support that was needed; they did not choose to ask or to understand why we would change our direction.

Along with this closing game of the season came a clarity and realization of the final weaving together of this book of mine that I feel is so long over due. What I did not realize was that it was this week that was supposed to happen as it did with perfect timing. Here’s how the day played out on Heaven’s Watch:

The morning of the gameday was special. There was a special gameday breakfast and I was anticipating the day and feeling hopeful for many things that are starting to come to fruition in my life. I got a call from my grief coach who is also a writer and a widow. I made the commitment to finish the book, was very fired up about it, and I gave myself a lofty goal date of the next week to finish the book. When I got off the phone with her I went onto my blog. I was going to hit 50,000 views that day!!! Pretty significant milestone in my book, so I posted a prayer request on my Facebook page telling my friends what was happening and asking them to pray for help from above and for support from family and friends. Well, I am here to say I got it. And in a big, BIG way later that afternoon!!

I went to my son’s game and after I got settled into my chair I looked up and saw an amazing cloud formation. The clouds looked like they were forming a tunnel. I saw the Light coming through. But all I saw was the tunnel. I felt very strongly I was supposed to take a picture because I could not take my eyes off the tunnel. I quickly snapped the photo with my camera phone and turned it around to look at it. This was the image I saw (look at the Angel standing on the cloud at the bottom of the tunnel):
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I was Dumbfounded. Speechless. Shocked. And Amazed. My Angel was there in all his regal beauty. He was there the day I asked for him, requested help from him in a public domain- Facebook that morning. He was watching over my son’s last game of the season. He was showing me that Divine Timing is on Heaven’s Watch, not mine. And this day was the day for me to write the purpose of this book. To reach out to all of you to let you know we really are loved. We have an inclusive, all-encompassing, benevolent, loving God for us all. All for one, and one for all. He does answer our prayers. But we must also be open and believe when we do ask. And we must understand that answer will come to us. It might be what we want to hear and know and experience. It might not. Sometimes our prayers are answered in ways we don’t see in the apparent. But we must have faith to know we are always heard and cared about. We need to be receptive to our intuition that God gave us. Our intuition is the gateway, the doorway, and the window to our connection with him. Don’t second-guess yourself. What you see, feel, and hear, and understand is his communication with you.

So, Heaven also has a sense of humor and loves to lovingly respond back when their communications with us are accepted and shared. So… I saw you Angel. I know you are a Messenger from God. And thank you for choosing me that day to be your conduit. I will share YOU with the world today and share your message with as many people as I can. And when I told him that, he smiled back at me.
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The Feast

Sugar and Spice – that should be everything nice. Let’s talk about why it’s not and how we all can change that. We are all beautiful in our unique way and the best combination is of the two. We need to mix it up more and enjoy what combining us all feels like. Spice represents the dark-skinned ones who walk this earth~ beautiful and sparkling and deep in their rich color. The pale opalescent-skinned ones are beautiful too. But some how over the course of human history we have quit looking at each other’s beauty and we began looking at each others differences through fear of what we do not know instead and the chasm began to widen to the point where we can no longer see the up close beauty in us all. We must through quantum physical means bring us all back together so that we might see the beauty of our uniqueness once again. That means opening the doors to our hearts and asking our neighbors to come in. Ask them like Jesus did to come to dinner and dine with us.

The ancient concept of a feast was designed with human interaction at its core purpose. We all desire to be near the core where the heart of the greatest love we will ever know resides. Think of our most sacred days and the fact that the table where we come together to eat is the focal point. Christmas, Easter, Ramadan, Passover, and many many other traditions in all cultures have this in common~ with all these great celebrations The Feast is at the heart of it all. We as a human race must collectively come back to this table.

At God’s table, in his Kingdom, we are all special guests and we are equally sitting around his Great Chair, none more close to the head than the other. We have forgotten that we were meant to dine together. Become nourished, satiated, and healthy together. Above the fun and festivities and gaiety, its purpose is to come to the Great Table and communicate love and harmony with each other. Share our stories and experiences so that we may grow to know and love each other. Here at this table we can truly see the beauty in each other and begin to understand each others differences. It is an up close and personal opportunity for us to bond and connect. Let us stop declining the invitation to come together and to find our seats at God’s Table. Pray together for peace and harmony. And above all~ Love One Another.

In the Name of He who Loves Us, Wrapped with love from Spirit and all the Spiritual Teachers and Masters,

Amen

Sue’s Story and the Ripple Effect of Loss

Thank you, Sue for sharing your story of loss and grief. First, I want to say how brave you seem to me in facing all that you have faced. Now I want to step aside and let you tell your story.

In Sue’s words:

“When I lost my husband, I lost my circle of friends who were all married couples. It was like I had leprosy or something. I also lost his family. My family saw that I didn’t just fall apart (in public, I didn’t but I did in private), so they fell away, too. It was so hard losing my best friend, my lover, and my soul mate that I over-medicated to try to run from the pain because 10 days before I lost my husband, our 17-year-old nephew was killed in a traffic accident. The ones who were there for me the most were his parents, my brother and his wife. Was three years before I was able to deal with the losses and it took me almost dying to get to that point.”

If you really read with an open heart the words above and see into Sue’s life you will see a woman who’s entire life changed very quickly and dramatically. She lost her soul mate and from that epicenter she lost her family, her husband’s family, and her friends turned away too. Everything in Sue’s life changed, even if she still has those who stood by her, she is still going through a complete life change. This experience brought her to the brink of her own death. Really think about her words. Her experience. The reactions of others to her. Before her husband’s death she had a full life with many relationships and with a sad turn of events she found herself quite alone. The events that shaped the outcome were not of her making, so~ WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN???

I want her to know and all of you out there that are going through similar situations that the outcome of Sue’s experience is a very common occurrence when someone dies. In order for us all to learn why this happens we need to seek out the basis of human nature in order to understand the whys. Why do life-long friends fade away after the loss of a spouse? Why do families fall apart after the death of a family member? Why do people choose to not bring up the subject of someone who has passed? Why do people walk away from their connections with others? I have had this happen to me and I have done some of these things too. All I can do is authentically share my experience and visions as to the “whys”. I am going to share higher visions that have been given to me by my angels and guides from all angles as best as I can.

The death dynamic in our human psyche is complicated and many of our behaviors as humans go back to prehistoric ancient times. We are genetically encoded with some of our primal behaviors and life and death seem to be very closely linked to these ancient reactions we have towards each other during the process of death and dying. None of what I am about to say excuses any hurt that any one person causes another, but what it may do is allow us to see into our core natures as human beings and to try and utilize this knowledge and understanding in gaining a perspective on the why’s. When we figure out the whys, we will have our answers to solve the problem. Then through intent and newly gained wisdom and goodwill we can go against our primal instincts and start to change our behaviors during and after the death of a loved one. Through mindful change of our behaviors with positive intent and action we can alter our DNA and start to heal this aspect of our collective natures and change the course of history, if I may be so boldly humble. We all have to gain from this because we will be affected by this event at some point in our lives and so the answer for “what’s in it for me?” becomes a solid, “Everything, the answer is everything.” Because in truth, we are all connected.

This journal is going to become a series because I have many angles to cover. This is the basis of a book I am writing about; grieving families in crisis. I have actually grown up with this experience my entire life. My early memories as a young child were watching my extended family fall apart after the death of my great-grandparents. I saw from an early age what happens to an immediate family and how the extended family feels the ripple effect. And now I am experiencing some of the same, some of my own doing, and some not. I feel I can offer my thoughts and experiences from one simple opinion from someone who’s been through the epicenter of grief, death, and family crisis. I will say I will never mention names here, as it is never my intention to bring shame on anyone. Like I said earlier, this is a universal experience and is very much a part of many people’s experiences. I am also not a perfect human being and to that end I am going to offer up my own shortcomings because I feel it is needed to see from a different angle and I have that to offer in truth. If I wasn’t authentic about my entire experience then I would only be telling half-truths and the intent of what I am trying to do would be lost and do nothing but sound like a big dose of blame.

This journal is already long but I am going to start scratching the surface of grief and friendship from my perspective. Remember above, Sue lost all her married friends. I don’t speak for everyone as this is not always the case, but I’ve read enough and heard enough and have experienced myself to know it’s possibly a universal feeling we have on both sides.

Possible From the Widow/Widower’s Point of View:

The newly widowed spouse has an outlook now of one. There are no longer 2 sets of eyes viewing her life, there is only one set of eyes~ to look back, to look into the future, to plan and to be in the present. All of this now is just through her eyes. The widowed spouse looks toward her friends that are married and feels the void beside her. Being in a room full of married couples now seems sad and lonely. So from a widowed spouse’s perspective it is hard to be around that and not feel the sting of the void. And everyone in the room feels that energy and their own uncomfortable energy that is flowing off us, and reasonably so. It’s that energy that we all feel that makes us all uncomfortable. And that’s were it all begins to end. From a quantum physics perspective, the energy that starts at this point is the beginning of the end of the relationship, as we know it. The healing and the mindfulness of this process will happen when this energy is faced by all, accepted, and communicated. Honest communication at this point becomes diffusion and can relax both souls into a higher understanding. When we are authentic about our feelings it removes the “big elephant in the room.”

Perhaps from the view of the Friend:

“I always saw them as a couple. It’s hard to look at her anymore without feeling pity and sadness that I cant ignore from the depths of my heart. Its painful to see her alone and it hurts me that we aren’t together anymore as a group and we miss him too. We are grieving the loss of our friend too.” So fun events start to decline in offers because people like this friend feel a disconnect from the widow/er. The relationship becomes one of “what can we do for you?” instead of planning a BBQ or talking about trips or kids; the normalcy is hard to get back. They can’t move past the sadness and redefine the friendship because the friend is also grieving the loss. Confusion can set in at this point making things even more difficult. The duality of both sides is so difficult and sad that they fall away and seek out support with those without the connection to the deceased spouse. It works both ways sometimes.

The widow/er can find true friendships soar during this time with those that only have a connection with themselves~ and not you with your spouse. This is a phenomenon I am seeing and reading about over and over again and also within my life. But to truly understand this fundamental law we need to fully understand the ancient history as to why this still continues. The answer and the solution lie in the understanding of where it came from. Once we discover these ancient human traits we then can fully integrate new ways of dealing with this and learn to react differently towards each other. There are ancient secrets we have yet to put together, but the funny thing is those of us who know parts of the answers are all around, yet we are just not talking to each other because grief is not fully accepted and observed like it should be.

Its much more simple and less complicated that we imagine. Within grief lies many of the world’s toughest questions that are answered so easily, simply, and truthfully. My hopes are that through my grief process and my gifts of being able to communicate with the Divine, this will allow me to open up this discussion as a means for healing. Through acknowledgement of fear, and mainly fear of death, we can change that fear into wisdom and bring about love and continuing connection. And if a healing connections are not possible, at least we have answers as to why. And that’s half the battle won. And at least knowing the answer to why allows in acceptance and healing can come faster for everyone.

If any of you out there have a grieving story to share, please reply and I will share your angle. The world needs to know so that we all may grow.

And I have one other point to make. When I say I can communicate with the Divine, it is simply that I can hear the answers and understand them quickly. After all, if you are spiritual or religious, you know we all talk and ask questions to God through our prayers. I just seem to be able to hear clearly and quickly when I do pray and ask. And I just believe through important events that have happened my life that my life’s purpose was to write and share.

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