Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. ~Proverbs 3:5
How powerful and peaceful is this statement. Amazing, really. And so simple. The why question is always there in our minds when something tragic happens. The question comes so easily. We all want answers to life’s most difficult problems and hurdles. If we had some justification for the terrible things that happen out there in the world somehow, maybe we believe it would be easier on our hearts to endure. To trust the Divine without personal earthly understanding takes energy and focus on our part. It often times takes monumental paradigm shifts in thinking on our whole human experience and existence to overcome tragedy. But the simple truth is stated above~ Trust in the Lord with all thine heart. There are answers and there is a bigger picture that we don’t see~ if we don’t try. Our task in life is to become connected to this larger understanding. The answer is again very simple. Notice and believe. We all have a gate to wisdom and understanding placed into our hearts. We are all given a spiritual key of trust to unlock this gate and to be open to this wisdom. Free will and choice has been given to us as a gift and a test during our lives. We choose how to go about on our daily endeavours. We choose how we treat others. We make life-altering decisions on our own. When we accept this power that is given to us and use it for our highest good as well as those around us, we can move through this gate and into amazing understanding and peace with all that surrounds our lives. And again a simple Divine truth, Seek and Ye Shall Find. The answers really are out there; you just have to Trust.
One of the toughest days I had during the time between Jordon’s diagnosis and his passing was a particular day at the cancer center early on. He was going through a barrage of testing that week. He had a bone scan, an MRI, a biopsy, on and on….but one particular day was the hardest. His abdominal CT scan. That’s where the cancer was. There was a known factor in this scan. And it was going to be the determining outcome in Jordon’s time that he had left.
His pain had been increasing steadily so I knew this was not going to be good news. I felt a physical, emotional, and spiritual weight on my shoulders that day. It was so heavy. My speech was slowed, Jordon’s thinking was slowed. We barely talked. It was like we were going to a sentencing to hear judgment. The day was dark overcast. We parked and entered the cancer center. We turned down the hall to head towards the radiology department. It was like people were parting the way for us. I could feel an emotional energy around us that I have never felt before.
It made me look up and to my left and to my right. I had the sense that two huge giant warrior angels were walking beside us. One to our left and one to our right. I imagined them worn-looking and dressed in Roman battle attire. Their wings were dirty from dragging on the floor. I really felt them. Was this my imagination? Maybe. But I have learned now since Jordon’s death to question my skepticism. They were going into battle with us walking down that hallway. I knew they were there for protection. We were never alone that day. They were there to support Jordon as he had to wait for hours in a crappy waiting room chair. His pain had become intense yet he was managing. They were there for me to keep me sane and somewhat strong enough.
Being a witness to physical trauma on a personal level is life-changing. Opinion changing. Motivation changing. Behavior changing.
In our worst hours we are not alone. These hours will play out at some point in everyone’s lives. There is inevitablility in truth. I do see angels, rarely, but I do. There, I admit it. But I think a lot of us do see or feel things out of the ordinary but it just doesn’t register or we don’t accept it. We reason it away. I didn’t see these angels, but somehow I knew they were there. That’s why I am telling you this story. Question your skepticism~ Lorna Byrne. Believe you are special and you have a guardian angel that is always with you no matter whether you can see them or not. If you feel them, that’s good and don’t second guess yourself. You only have everything to gain and nothing to lose!
Afterthought that I want to share with you:
What is the purpose of the ability to imagine? What are our imaginations for? Imagination is the centre from which manifestation happens. Our imagination needs to be better understood. For as children when we felt and saw things we were told it was just our imagination. We then interpret our extrasensory perceptions as just that~ imagination with the connotation of it being not real and just a colourful thought. The root word is image. Where are these images coming from? What do they mean? When we believe and notice, we set this centre of our understanding on fire and the realization and purification of the fire brings in truth and clarity and then connection and understanding. Think on this.
I have officially decided to transition my journal entries on CaringBridge over to a blog. I now have the energy and time to do it and I am excited! CaringBridge is a God-send of a website that helps families in critical illness crisis communicate with their friends and families on updates about their loved ones who are ill. With Jordon’s passing it is now time for me to move off that website and on to something more appropriate, and hopefully this will be it.
This blog is about sharing our family’s journey of before and after the death of my husband, Jordon Barker, from malignant melanoma, a deadly skin cancer. I am going to write about everything in as honest a fashion as I know how. After talking to so many of you out there, I hear similar stories all the time. It is just a fact that people don’t talk in detail too much about illness, dying, death, physical separation, grieving, connectivity and believing in the signs from above. I am going to write about it all. Getting it all out is my road to recovery. Please, please understand that this is not self-absorption, but rather sharing of what is in my heart and mind because I know this is a collective experience for us all, and I am just one person who is just driven to write about it. After all, none of us escapes death and none of us escapes losing someone we love throughout our lives. The grieving process can be different, I know it can. I believe in continuum and connectivity and acceptance of physical separation. My heart goes out to those that are stuck in the separation. It is my mission to help those rise above being stuck and to live in the connection that is truly there for us to embrace. And with moving forward comes happiness and grace that surrounds us with light. Acceptance and living in connectivity is a gift for us to unwrap and to cherish, respect, and to learn from.