Grief Anonymous

I am more than excited to launch this organization.  It has been several years in the making for sure and it will continue to evolve and transform over the days, weeks,and years to come.  I have so much to say about this organization that there just isn’t enough time here in this one post to describe it in its entirety.  So let me just start with a few words about the  beginnings of GA. In the days to follow I will continue to add it all to this blog with a book to follow shortly. GA’s roots began to form after I transferred my writings from Caringbridge from when my husband was first diagnosed into after my husband passed away from cancer as a means to cope and to share in hopes that maybe my journey might help someone to know they are not alone in their grief.  What came to pass was a growing membership of people from around the world and right here in the USA coming to the page to connect and read someone’s shared grief experience.  From this catalyst of losing my husband, the writing has also allowed me to continue to write about the connection we all have to humanity and to a Higher Power.  Through my husband’s diagnosis and into his passing and onward through my recovery that Source of Love and Light has never left my side.  During the summer of his original cancer diagnosis in 2006, I was shown a vision of a bright, loving, beautiful light.  It was shown to me during the lowest and saddest time of my life.  I was shown and was able to feel the love God has for me, and also the pure simple love we all have for one another.  It is from this experience that the circular gold light has been created from the vision  into what is now the GA symbol.  The small circles surrounding this Light are the Tenets of Recovery.  Ten actionable concepts to follow in order to recover from grief.  These Ten Tenets are the premise and bedrock for this organization.  This group is for all to attend, no matter what your religious beliefs are or not.   No matter your ethnic origin or race.  Male or female.  Young and old. Social situation.  Grief is a collective human experience that has been in the shadows for way too long.  Now is the time for cumulative action to be taken to link us all who are on this path.  We can then be there waiting for those who will join us.  Grief Anonymous will be the light where there is darkness and bring hope to those who are bereaved and in need of fellowship, understanding, and support.

The Ten Tenets of Grief Anonymous:

  1. Belief in a higher power or consciousness
  2. Find or create a sanctuary for healing
  3. Focus on the physical fundamentals of sleep, diet, and exercise
  4. Practice baby steps and leaps of faith
  5. Acceptance of your loss
  6. Facing your fears
  7. Learning to forgive and what forgiveness really means
  8. Finding a creative outlet for your grief
  9. Embracing your new authentic self
  10. Giving back is under construction and will be ready soon!

Holly Final final small

An Open Letter to the Human Race: Please Love One Another, by Holly C Barker

Our children are simply not going to be prepared for the world we are handing them if we keep heading in the direction we are in. It’s a two-fold reason.
1.We shelter them from so much. Remember our childhoods where we disappeared into the woods for hours only to emerge at dinner time? Wasn’t that an awesome experience?? But because of the state of our minds these days we collectively shield them from all the negativity out there in the world. And even with our most intimate family relationship struggles we don’t tell them what’s happening and the authentic reasons why. We want to protect and preserve their innocence of not knowing what we know. This does not serve them for their own growth and understanding of how the family dynamic can work with positive outcomes (whatever they may be) so they understand and use the knowledge gained as a means to build their future relationships they form.
2.We are creating that world that we want to shelter our kids from. We are the cause and effect of what we don’t want for our children. This starts at the level of individuals and how they treat each other all the way to global communities.
For this simplistic reason alone we must learn to love and trust each other again. We need to put focus of the positives in this world through our own eyes and thoughts all the way to what the media wants to show us. If we want positive and ask for it- they will show it. If we as people gravitate towards the positive, the “powers to produce” will create opportunities in the media to show us that which we ask and yearn for. It’s both our responsibilities. We look for the negative because we want to be informed by what’s possible out there so that we may protect our children and our own well-beings. Which is a just cause. But only to a point. Somehow the energy and focus of negativity of the hardest-core, farthest end of the spectrum took over as a 1% occurrence or less and became all encompassing in our minds as shown through our media and the actions and reactions of all of us. The 1% horrible, negative took over our fears, and then took over the media, which then feed our minds that we were correct in our assumptions about that which we fear the most. But it was only an illusion of our worst fears that began to then manifest. Folks- this is dangerous and we are headed in this direction. This is where our momentum and focus began to shift and the manifestation of our fears came true. We need to pull the reigns of the horse of life and turn her back to galloping into the sunrise of a new direction and perspective of our futures and the human race itself and what we want to hand to our children.

Seek out the positive. It takes less energy. It makes you feel good. It makes you feel safe. It makes you feel love and compassion for the people around you. And it makes you happy. When we collectively turn our focus towards positive types of energy and actually want and ask for it???? Our families, the media, governments both local and national, the governing world bodies and organizations will have to take notice.
We will save ourselves by starting with how we treat the person next to us with loving, respectful, compassionate intent.



The Most Powerful Form of Love is the Love of a Child, A Thank You Letter

Wow- there is a powerful love that is the closest to God here on Earth.  That love is his power shown through the love of children.  Children have a love that is so pure and innocent.  A love that has the ability to set us free from our worries and cares.  Who else out there who has children and who remembers the nights our little boys fell asleep in our arms as they have their last  bottle for the day.  Who knows the love we feel wrapped up in a warm winter blanket with our daughters curled up reading a good book?  If you want to know God, then know children.  His Light is brightest through their eyes.   Their energy stays with their toys and pillows and blankies throughout the years.  We keep these items and never throw them away because all of their good positive childhood energy is stored in them in the form of memories.  We feel these memories and hold that old teddy bear tightly.

I want to share with you the reason for this journal.  Tonight I picked up an art poster drawn by children for my son.   This is not just any old poster.  This poster blew me away with its amazing beautiful energy tonight as I picked it up.  This poster’s power ran through me and touched my heart and gut and beamed down through and out my feet.  I was completely shocked at the feeling I felt.  It was then that  I realized what it was.  This energy burst that went through me was the stored-up love shared by children for my son.

And….I want to share with you the reason for this energy.  This poster was written in a mosaic form from each one of his friends and classmates.  This poster was written with love; a connected, deep, powerful love that children can feel and show.  It was an artistic endeavor combined with an act of friendship that all those children shared with my son in his darkest hours.  This poster was written to my son a week after his father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died 5 weeks later.  This poster will remain on his wall for as long as he needs its beautiful, powerful, God-filled Love.


Thank you to all you wonderful boys and girls of Waterdown, Canada that fill my son’s heart with love.  Your love and light is captured in this poster and encircles my son with peace on a daily basis.  And for that I am and will always be eternally grateful.


2015 in review

I wanted to send out the Year In Review for my blog to those that follow me. Viewer from 137 countries and approximately 5,500 people a month came to read.  Thank you for continuing to stay with me on this journey and know above all else- LOVE CONQUERS ALL and we must do our best and utmost to LOVE ONE ANOTHER!  I am truly hopeful for 2016 to be the year of at least 2 published books!  Gotta have goals, y’all!

Love and Light to Us All,


Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 54,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 20 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

The Great Awakening

It’s happening. Love is spreading everywhere~ silently, slowly, with great care and forward motion. Slow steady pressure. Humanity is starting to look itself in the eye and ask the real questions that matter. The reason is now we are connected as a human race. We speak on global terms. We know so much more about people, culture, and history than we did even fifteen years ago. We no longer have to rely on the news and history books and newspapers. We are all directly linked and connected and we are all beginning to understand how much we really are alike. We all love the same. We love our children. We all grieve and experience loss at some point in our lives. We bask in happiness on shorelines all over the world and enjoy good company and family and friends. The silent majority is sane and becoming vocal. We are stable. We love others. We care. The world is coming to a point where the chasm of good and evil is widening and the veils are falling down. We can no longer be fooled by those who try to create a false story of a whole group or nation of people as “evil” or wrong. We know better.

On a massive divine scale, there is a oneness of souls. We are all connected and moving forward in understanding and knowledge and learning that love is at the center of everything. The universe is calling us to understand energy and vibration through quantum physics as well as remembering the basic fundamental rules of life~ do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Science and Spirit are proving each other right, not wrong. There is a great merging of thought happening now and it is beautiful. Thoughts become things. We are so far advanced in our understanding of energy that we realize our minds have the power to create. Thoughts have mass. Energy transfers where thoughts go. It doesn’t die. Neither do we. We move forward in spirit and energy and join the Great Connection.

Sometimes a deviation happens in time and our free will and choices lead us down the wrong road both on a personal level as well as a global community. It has been too long but we are finding our way back. We as a global community need to embrace our differences, forgive on a personal to a global perspective in order to heal ourselves. It takes each one of us. We all matter. Our contributions to the greater good are vitally important whether they are in the form of time, money, energy, thought, prayer, hope, or kindness. We all have the power to tip the scale in our favor.

I rarely run across a conversation with someone who has not been tapped on some level by this energy that is circling the globe. More of us feel comfortable discussing the energy we feel within us and around us. Many of us are able to be open and tap into that energy and see farther, understand more, and share it with others. If this is happening to you, do not be afraid. Fear is only a request away from being gone. The answer to this entire discussion is simple. All the most important truths are simple. We just have to believe it.

Love conquers all.


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Love to see you there and hear from you!

Not Seeing the Forest for the Trees


Sometimes trees block our view. Or we think they do. We get so bogged down in what we are trying to accomplish that we can’t see past that tree that is in our way. Our focus becomes narrowed and our eyes settle in on that one tree. We complain. We try and move around it, but there are more trees behind and beside the one we need out of our way. We soon lose our path wandering through the brush looking for that clearing that will help us understand where we are. It is easy to get frustrated and anxious when things don’t go our way or when it is taking too long to get past something in our life. By human nature we wander and look at what catches our eye on our path in life. It is easier to pay attention to that which is distracting. A single focus on one problem can easily throw us off. Ruminating, worry, anxiety, depression, and angst can cause us all to wander off course.


Our destiny is to see the forest ~ to understand the big picture and why we are here. Everything makes sense when we see the forest over, through, and above the trees. A tree is a piece of the puzzle. One cog in the wheel. It is there to teach us something, but to stay there is not what is meant for us. We are meant to journey through the forest. We are meant to see the trees. But our goal in life is to see the forest. The sum total of our lives. When we see this view and we accept all that has come to us on our paths, we can connect with each other and love and understand with a broader, wiser, more loving, forgiving, and accepting place within our hearts. This truth works on many levels.


It is individual. We are all forests made up of different trees. We can focus on the tree that is in our way and block our connection to that person or we can see the sum total of their forest and accept all that that person is and allow the connection to take place. It is also collective. We can see the forest as our families, our communities, or whatever you form a connection with.


Everything in life starts with one and exponentially radiates from there. It is the law of the universe. Trees teach us so much and when we individually and collectively see the forest we can move steadily on our paths knowing a higher vista and knowledge awaits. All we have to do is use our internal compass to guide us through. And that internal compass is love.



When I think about the holidays coming up I feel myself being very reflective of the year that is about to come to an end. What went right and what went wrong. What did I learn? What kinds of experiences did I have and how did they shape me. This year was a life-changing, life-affirming experience to which I will carry forward with me forever changed and influenced towards a more broad understanding of life, human interaction, and our true connection to the Divine. And through all the loss, the pain, and suffering I witnessed all around me this year I know one thing is true. When family has that rare and beautiful bond of “sticktogetherness”, you should consider yourself fully blessed. Over the year I have had many experiences of hearing of others and their hardships and often times it was because of family, or made worse because of a breaking down of that family bond. It made life much harder to push through the bad times when that link to those of relation were not there to offer their hand to hold through the storms of life.

Last night I got to witness a beautiful bonded family. It wasn’t just the laughter and conversation. It wasn’t just the sharing of a Christmas dinner and the exchange of gifts and memories. It was the sharing of hugs, smiles, plans and ideas and adventures, openness and genuine interest and caring of the other that truly builds and solidifies bonds that create family “sticktogetherness”. This bond can create a bedrock in your heart that lets you know that whatever comes your way, you know you have solid ground to stand on. I often think of lighthouses and how they guide people through storms to safety and safer shores. But these lighthouses stand strong against the wind, unrelenting surf, and rain because of the rocky solid ground they are built on. What good would a lighthouse be if it were built on shifting sands? That solid ground in life is family and it is a wonderful, powerful, healing blessing when you are surrounded by those of relation who stand behind you and help you up when you fall without judgment or expectations of reciprocation.

If you find yourself during these holidays without this strong familial bond in your life, focus your love inward and start anew from yourself with outward focus. All is not lost. Be a rock for others on which to stand and you will find your ground will grow solid as well. Soon you will find your footing and you will feel restored, balanced, and able to weather the passing storms in your life. Be the hand for others to hold and the universe will give back to you that which you gave.

Love and Light to the Keast family.

With gratitude,


The Tunnel of Light


Eight years ago in the late summer my new life was just starting. My mom and my sister and I found ourselves at a mountain retreat for a spa day. We all desperately needed it.  Jordon had just been diagnosed in July with Malignant Melanoma skin cancer. I had a four-year-old son and a busy career and family…. A spa day was in order. But what happened that day I will never forget. I haven’t spoken of it since but now I understand that it was meant for now. Not then. I would have gotten it wrong back then. Timing is patient and is everything sometimes.

I scheduled a massage. An earthy-looking peaceful woman called out my name and I followed her into the room where she preceded to wash my feet ceremonial style and then I got up on the table and laid down facing up. She came in and positioned herself above me and put her hands on my head. She started with slow circular movements on my head with her fingertips. That’s when it happened. A bright, luminescent, circular, yellow light appeared to me when I closed my eyes. Immediately tears began flowing. My eyes were drawn up into what felt like a tunnel. The pale yellow light was moving and flowing and shining like the sun without the burn. I could look straight into it and not feel pain. As soon as I acknowledged it I started to take my mind off my vision and onto what was happening to my heart. I literally felt it open and be pulled up. Drawn up. I felt this inescapable, magnificent, overwhelming, comforting, beautiful, peaceful, palpable love. The gate opened and a rush of amazing, forgiving, loving emotions came to me all at once. I thought of all my family and friends and I wanted to jump off the table and contact each one of you and tell you how much I love you. The binds and band-aids and scars on my heart instantly melted away and all that was left was love. I was so blinded by happiness!!! I was not spoken to. I was shown a feeling. I remember seeing letters and I was writing.

The session lasted an hour. I cried for an hour. I lived in Heaven for an hour. I know that now. I didn’t understand that then. I thought the massage therapist had some sort of mental trance on me. I reasoned it away and did not share what happened. I didn’t understand it as I was going through the darkest moments of my life at the time. I wasn’t ready to handle what I had seen and felt. I understand that it was meant for now. It is a deep, wonderful understanding of what happens to each and every one of us. What a remarkable experience! I know and feel where Jordon resides. It is a beautiful, wonderful place that escapes earthly words in any language. No literal understanding. No way for me to paint, sing, write, or speak of the love that is felt there. The important thing is that it exists and to not be afraid. Believe and notice.

The Spiritual and Physical Connection We All Have


I’m burning some sage leaves today while sitting at my desk.  Yesterday was a bad day but it needed to happen and I am looking to clear the negative energy away and bring in the positive.  Clearing with sage is an ancient practice followed by many cultures and most religions and it settles the soul, clears the air, and invites in peace.  I want to write about a vision of physical and spiritual connectedness I had while sitting with a special friend.  I am so grateful for the people in Jackson and my life.  I feel richly blessed and I wonder if I will ever be able to give back what I have received.

 Most of us think that gifts of psychic abilities, clairvoyance, “knowings”, visions, and intuitive understandings are for a selected few people or those of us who have a gift.  I want to share what my beliefs are about this phenomenon.  I believe we are all gifted and this is all normal, and we have looked to others and to the writings of our faiths for example when they are often right in front of our faces.  We all have a “6th” sense if you will and the vast majority of us have ignored it or not spoken openly about it with others.  When I talk with friends and people I meet without a filter in my heart I hear amazing stories all the time of people seeing a grandparent that has passed away and suddenly appeared during a time of crisis.  Others talk about their signs they have seen, dreams, intuitions, and stories they keep closely guarded and not talked about as to not be seen as “crazy”.  This needs to stop and the doors of our hearts need to open.  Miracles, experiences, and visions need to be on the open market.  The stories didn’t end with the Bible.  They are all around us everyday, we just need to be open and accepting and notice.

 I want to give you two amazing examples of the spiritual, emotional, and physical connectedness we all have in their most simplistic forms.  We see them and experience them all the time but perhaps not fully being aware of what is really happening.   My favorite example of this is when a child has scraped his knee on the concrete and he is in physical and emotional pain from his experience.  He comes in and you sit him up on the counter and you wash his little wound, give it a little disinfection treatment, and then put a band-aid on.  But he really doesn’t stop crying until you kiss the band-aid and assure him it will be okay.  You are healing him physically- but mostly he believes and knows the kiss is what heals.  That is spiritualty at its highest form.  You, as the parent, heal.  Your actions heal.  Your love heals.  Children know this and believe it because their hearts are pure and accepting.

Another example remains one of my favorites of spiritual and physical connectness.  Often times when a wife is pregnant the husband will take on the emotional and physical pains of his wife.  Jordon did this.  His appetite increased, even his cheeks were puffy by the end of the nine-month process.  He often felt what I felt.  During that time his “empathic 6th” senses were on high alert.  He was amazingly connected to our process on a physical and emotional level.  How does that happen?  What does it say?  The memory makes me smile and now the positive energy is flowing back in and I am going to go about my day now…..

Mind Stumbling



Mind-Stumbling. Electricity. Connectivity. Today I want to share what I now understand about disconnecting and re-connecting. It is a physical, mental, and emotional process. There is an outlet in the wall. I have always used the “3 prong approach” to all we do as a family whether it is grocery shopping, weekend trip planning, or connecting to those we love. Jackson, Jordon, and I were a team and we approached our lives and the ones we love in that fashion.

I met his wonderful group of friends a long time ago at a wedding. I fell in love with their laughter and their ability of stick-togetherness through thick and thin. I knew I was meant to be a part of this group. I wanted to be a part of this group. That weekend so many years ago I got to know Jordon even better. Any guy who has friends like this has to be a good guy. It sealed the deal for me. That “3 prong approach” is now a “2-pronger”. That first week after Jordon died and that feeling of physical separation was incredibly intense, which has since subsided slightly. Along with that terrible pain came this weird feeling and confusion. Honestly I am a little lost for words to describe it. I think the reason I cannot describe this concept well is there is a physical part of our minds. For example, when we lose someone whether through death, divorce, break-up, or what have you, in our minds we feel the pain physically. That pain manifests in our mind and spreads to our muscles and joints and heart and lungs. It affects our breathing and heartbeat. When we lose someone we love, our connections with those people (whom we have bonded to because of that person who has died) leave our mind during the physical separation after that person dies. It’s like physically losing half of what you know. Then the ability to reason and think and love fills that gap in your mind and a reconnection to those people you love takes over, re-adjusts, filling the other half of your physical mind. Through the “2-prong” approach you reconnect. It can happen instantaneously, or through a more detailed process. It is god-awful and it throws you into a tail-spin headed towards the ground. But you crash-land, begin to reason, love kicks in and so does memory. Those people haven’t gone away; you just have gone through the process of reconnection.

When people feel at loss for words and a sad awkwardness I think the process is happening to them too. In their minds a desire to reconnect with me is happening subconsciously. What to say, what to feel, and taking a first step towards a new relationship with an old friend is hard. Maybe it lasts 3 seconds, or weeks, or that process is so painful and confusing to some that they just disconnect all together. I haven’t had this happen yet, but I bet for some it sadly has.

I am a very analytical person, I know. Maybe others don’t feel what I feel. I have been to some great parties recently and half way through I have had to leave. The reconnection process is so strong and painful that it overwhelms me. The light at the end of the tunnel is that love over-rules and so does reason. It trumps fear and heartache. I am grateful for the reconnection process because it has helped brighten my love for you all and cleared any doubt that you all are incredibly important to me. What a purification process. An enlightenment. And it makes me smile and after the re-connection it puts an ease into my heart and helps heal.