The Pain Jar

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I have a guardian angel. We all do. I became keenly aware of mine the day Jordon called me to tell me to meet him at the cancer center because he had just found out he had advanced metastatic cancer. I have written about my guardian angel’s presence in the car with me on the drive over in my book. I had an hour drive by myself and I needed some support to get me there safely with this news heavy on my heart, mind, and body. Today I want to tell you about the pain jar he holds for me.

My guardian angel is more like a guide. He is Native American and he speaks quietly to me with light pokes with his arrows and gentle pats when something is happening that I need to take notice of. I don’t hear direction from him; he is just a large force I can feel that is keeping me moving forward, steadily. He is silent, but his love and compassion is great. Slow steady positive pressure is his way. But I know one thing for sure that he has shown me. He holds for me my deepest, saddest, most awful pain in a jar. Twice before Jordon died he opened the jar, just a touch, for me to experience what pure, raw, unforgiving grief feels like. The experience had me both times curl up in a ball and wanting to die. That pain, for just those two short times, drives me for the rest of my life to try to reach out and help others who live day to day with that gut-wrenching emotion of loss and despair. I know without a doubt that I would not be able to write, share, understand, or cope if I was living out that pain day to day. I know its there. I have felt it. And my heart breaks every time I meet someone who’s in the clutches of it.

The key to healing is to not get stuck in that pain and to move forward. That pain is the pure pain of physical separation from someone you love. It is the act of breaking a physical love-bond and it is excruciating. That person is no longer here to hold, to kiss, to hug, and to share with. The physical void has no relief or resolution to it.  This, my friends, is a life experience that we will all go through at some point.  No one escapes losing someone they love, unless you are the first to go.  The key to passing over this pain is to live, breathe, love, and accept the connection and continuum of spirit and oneness that you have with that person and to oneness with all.  Know we really never die, but just cross over. The only death is a physical death. When we really accept this as truth and live and bathe in belief, and notice the signs all around us, healing comes in and takes over and love and light fills the heart, mind, and spirit with joy and gladness and forward understanding of another time when we will be connected again. These statements have become cliché sentiments over time and are often over looked with simple comments from well-wishers to the point that people often see it as a glossy term of endearment or a generalized safe statement to the bereaved…..But truth often lies in the clichés. The truth really is~ till we meet again.

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Soulmates – from an NDE Perspective

This article is spot on in every sense. A must read. I never had an NDE, but I did through crisis experience this Love and Light. I wrote a journal about it:

Eight years ago in the late summer my new life was just starting. My mom and my sister and I found ourselves at a mountain retreat for a spa day. We all desperately needed it. Jordon had just been diagnosed in July with Malignant Melanoma skin cancer. I had a four-year-old son and a busy career and family…. A spa day was in order. But what happened that day I will never forget. I haven’t spoken of it since but now I understand that it was meant for now. Not then. I would have gotten it wrong back then. Timing is patient and is everything sometimes.

I scheduled a massage. An earthy-looking peaceful woman called out my name and I followed her into the room where she preceded to wash my feet ceremonial style and then I got up on the table and laid down facing up. She came in and positioned herself above me and put her hands on my head. She started with slow circular movements on my head with her fingertips. That’s when it happened. A bright, luminescent, circular, yellow light appeared to me when I closed my eyes. Immediately tears began flowing. My eyes were drawn up into what felt like a tunnel. The pale yellow light was moving and flowing and shining like the sun without the burn. I could look straight into it and not feel pain. As soon as I acknowledged it I started to take my mind off my vision and onto what was happening to my heart. I literally felt it open and be pulled up. Drawn up. I felt this inescapable, magnificent, overwhelming, comforting, beautiful, peaceful, palpable love. The gate opened and a rush of amazing, forgiving, loving emotions came to me all at once. I thought of all my family and friends and I wanted to jump off the table and contact each one of you and tell you how much I love you. The binds and band-aids and scars on my heart instantly melted away and all that was left was love. I was so blinded by happiness!!! I was not spoken to. I was shown a feeling. I remember seeing letters and I was writing.

The session lasted an hour. I cried for an hour. I lived in Heaven for an hour. I know that now. I didn’t understand that then. I thought the massage therapist had some sort of mental trance on me. I reasoned it away and did not share what happened. I didn’t understand it as I was going through the darkest moments of my life at the time. I wasn’t ready to handle what I had seen and felt. I understand that it was meant for now. It is a deep, wonderful understanding of what happens to each and every one of us. What a remarkable experience! I know and feel where Jordon resides. It is a beautiful, wonderful place that escapes earthly words in any language. No literal understanding. No way for me to paint, sing, write, or speak of the love that is felt there. The important thing is that it exists and to not be afraid. Believe and notice.

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“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Written by Jody Long (NDERF – Near Death Experience Research Foundation)

We never thought we would be talking about soulmates.  We heard of them, but never expected to be in a soulmate relation.  Now we recognize we are soulmates, and are eager to see how our experiences compared with others.  There is surprisingly little on the Internet.  We then started asking people what they thought a soulmate was; the answers were quite varied.  Answers from others…

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