A New Day, A New Venture

Whew! Man, that last journal was a doozie! Glad to have that out of the way and looking onward. The brightness has returned this week and my son and I have so much to look forward to. It is summer. Summer is energizing. Just the extended daylight hours alone are a nice touch. I keep saying that I am going to finish my book. I keep saying so much of what I am going to do. And yet I am not there yet. My son and I have been on the move this past year and we are truly settling in to our new lives now. So much is before us and so much is behind us. And we are ready.

This weekend I decided I am going to start a new blog in conjunction to this one. My current blog is dedicated to higher-level thoughts, emotions, perspectives, learning, connectivity, and most important Spirit and spirituality through the process of grief. I write when I have a vision about something or if something moves me greatly. After Jordon first passed away the journals were coming at lightening speed and with great clarity. I was in the epicenter of grief and loss and the idea of writing helped me through. In one year, approximately 30,000 people have read this blog according to WordPress. According to FaceBook accounts it has been exposed to 3 million people with 60,000 readers from all over the world. I don’t know who to believe, but what I care about is that it reaches those that are suffering and hopefully through sharing we can all heal. This blog this week just celebrated its one year mark. It’s time to do some branching out. I still have visions, analogy thinking, and moments of automatic writing where I know I am being helped from above. But all the earthy matters have been in my face for months now and I have felt somewhat disconnected from this beautiful energy. This will change, I am sure. But in the meantime, I am going to start soon what I need to write about now and the last journal spurred me to think about this. I want to write about the daily life issues of wading through grief. Relationships, financial matters, dating, alone time, raising a child as a solo parent. So much I can share. So much has changed in my life. I am a part of “closed to members only” spousal grief groups on Facebook. I realized after months of reading and responding, that many of the decisions I made and many of the issues I faced were universal among people in my situation. And we are all out there sharing so that we know we are not alone in our struggles. And it’s often times the nuances of events that hit us the hardest. Grocery shopping is one for example. It is a normal event for everyone. All of us have to cook and eat. But you throw in the loss of a significant other and you go there for the first time after they pass away and you get hit with a ton of bricks!!!! It’s those things we don’t think about that I want to write about. What that feels like. And how I got through it. Believe me, it wasn’t easy. I wrote about it already, but not from a practical, earthly perspective. The journal was called, “Grocery store shopping with my friend.” I will never forget the feeling.

So with that, I will end the rambling this fine Tuesday morning and leave you with a good note.

Cheers, all!

Grief Survival 101- Walking the Tightrope of Internal and External Expectations

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You have found your footing on this rope. It is what you have been given to stand on. The rope is harsh against your feet and it doesn’t feel good. But the rope is sturdy and it fits your feet. God planned it this way~ he wouldn’t give you a rope that was impossible to walk on. You are looking out ahead of you to see the big picture of your life. On each side of the rope lies a different view. Your job is to navigate this rope, to reach the other side. You’ve been given a balancing stick to help you balance your steps as you are moving forward. The stick is your guide, your conscience, you faith. When you lean too far right, the stick dips to the left helping you to balance as you move above the abyss below you. You are ready and you take your first step in this new life of yours.

The vast spaces to your left and your right are the expectations you put on yourself and of the expectations that others have of you. You are being watched. You are conscious of your new life and the other side’s expectations of you and how they see this situation you are in high up on this tightrope. Both, through this process of grief and loss, will pull at you and bring you off balance. Expectations, outside of simple, fundamental truths, are external and internal forces of energy that rely on a future value that doesn’t exist. How can you or anyone have an expectation of how to feel, how to act, how to grieve. When we focus on these influential spaces we pull our eyes, mind, and feet away to give energy to a space of expectation. This space will disrupt you and pull you left or right and away from your center, your true self. Too much focus on either side and you will fall. The tightrope is your gift from God. Your stick is the conscience mind he gave you to balance. Your feet keep you in the physical. Your eyes are the communicators and connectors to your body to help you focus on the big picture. Look up and out and you will find your truth. Look down and you will lose it.

As you are walking this tightrope, you will come across negative energies of expectation both from others and from yourself. Outward remarks from others will say things to you to make you second-guess your steps. Your ear will hear them and your body will intrinsically bend in that direction pulling you out of balance. You might second-guess your decisions, as you don’t have that living, breathing soul next to you anymore helping you navigate. Two trusting souls leaning on each other find a more steady balance and you are now without that other half. You must learn to steady yourself as you are on your own now and your decisions are yours. Be careful as you can pull yourself over from insecurity and doubt and loose your footing on the rope.

This is life. This is the test, this tightrope. The key to walking the tightrope is inner balance, courage, forward focus, and movement towards what you feel is good and right for you without the interference from outside energy. As you practice this centered focus you will gain strength and balance. You will become more assured of your space, your footsteps, and your mind. Your faith will grow and you will move with grace and sure-footedness on this tightrope. You will block out the negativity and the balance-altering pull of opinion and diversion. You will be able to see it for what it is. You will see the concern, the doubt, the good and bad intentions from others, and personal views that do not serve you. Above you is the Light shining down on you to guide the way. Follow this Light as it beams into your heart exposing the truth that you are good and deserving and whole. It will pull you forwards helping to balance you and settle you. It will soothe your feet so you don’t feel the harshness of the rope. We are not given the view of the end of the rope for the light shines too brightly and it is not ours to know. But when we do reach the end, we ourselves will become the light we have followed and join in the connection and the only pull we will feel is LOVE.

Crossing the Bridge to the Place of Acceptance

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“How??” “How can I do this?” “How can I accept that she’s gone?” That is a very deep meaningful question that I am hearing over and over again from others reaching out to me. I write about acceptance. And yes it is the key and the starting point of healing from loss. Your painful, valid questions are very real and very much in order. How do we cross that bridge over to acceptance and stay on our path of recovery? The horizon shows a landscape of many bridges we have to cross and many roads to take. I know it is overwhelming. Just take a deep breath, settle in, read on and breathe out.

There are two parts to acceptance. The first is the physical separation we feel when a loved one leaves us. It is a physical, emotional, and mental bond that breaks that is truly felt by the body, heart, and soul. When you feel this, you will know it. It will be a feeling and understanding like nothing you have ever felt before. This is the dark feeling, the painful part of acceptance. It is your heart, mind, and spirit feeling the burn of the physical separation. Unfortunately many people get stuck here. This comes to us whether we accept it or not.

The other side of acceptance is the powerful healing side. You have to fully accept and understand that our departed loved one’s energy, essence, love, and spirit is still alive and well. They move up and into the Light and still have the ability to be with us here during our mourning and throughout our life if necessary. They know what we need better than we do. When you fully vest yourself into this understanding and open yourself up to the spiritual connection your healing and acceptance will start.

Will this take away the sadness and grief? No. Will this make our day-to-day pain of closing out the earthly matters of our loved one passing on go away? No. But here is the truth, and it has been recorded over history for a millennia as well as countless accounts from near death experiences from people all over the world. Our loved ones don’t die, they move on to a different plane, dimension, Heaven. They are happy. They are at peace. Their hearts are full and their souls are rejoined once again. And they are with us. Guiding us. Watching over us. And very much able to communicate with us if we will be open and believe and notice. When the rhythms, and signs, and vibration, and closeness start you will know where to look, what to understand, and it will bring you great comfort and an ease to your heart that will start your process of healing.

Grief and the physical separation is the painful, horrible part of this process and none of us is spared. The key is to move out of that space and over to the connective space of acceptance as soon as you can. Read about it. Believe it. Reach out to us, to books; to your faith; to which ever you can to help pull you over. You will find strength you never knew you had. Believe in yourself and believe in the power of this process and you will cross that bridge to acceptance. It is the most meaningful resting point on your journey and it is a solid foundation for your recovery.

Here is my prayer that you can cross this bridge and many more. I pray that you find this starting point within your heart and mind. Ask God. Ask your angels for help. Ask for signs so you will know. And know above all else that you are never alone.