Let’s face it, life can be very complicated and painful at times. The simple sharing of pure complicated emotion through art, dance, music, writing, and poetry is cathartic and allows in healing. People are innately interested in and gravitate towards raw, unfiltered truth about life and anything less is…..less.
Some love is worth fighting for. Some love is not. Hold the love you fight for and bless the love you let go of. The wisdom is to live the difference and to know and accept that it’s all love in the end.
Its okay to cry. I do all the time. It’s a gift given to us by God through our eyes to release all that we feel and see that hurts us. Tears are the salty purification process of the soul.
Sometimes the best thing to do when life is complicated and hard is to swing from that chandelier! Doing what feels good is good for the soul, even if its temporary.
The singing, music, artistry and dancing in these videos is so powerful and moving and is so reflective of my personal grief experience and thus is healing. To see and hear this is to know that I am not alone in this human experience of grief.
Being honest with those we connect with in our lives starts with being honest with your core self. When we operate from our true selves and take honest appraisals of what it in our hearts and minds we can find ourselves in a position of being truthful with others because we are navigating from our inner truth. The outcome is trust. And this process takes strength and a firm sense of self-worth to move forward because in this world we live in, it is all too easy to have our trust broken. When we find that person in our life that we can trust it is an amazing bonding experience and it soothes the soul and we can settle into a level of comfort and peace that is like nothing else. This process is a delicate dual balance and it takes being honest and loving, open and willing to listen to each other. What a beautiful rare gift we have available to us if we just open our hearts to one another and allow in this experience.
All too often trust is broken and we feel let down or hurt. Our hearts harden to the outside and we guard our core selves for we know our own goodness. But what we don’t realize is when we guard our hearts we close ourselves down from this gift and true happiness cannot be attained. We begin to stand in our own way. What we need and seek, we ourselves block.
Once again, this is a choice we make for ourselves. Our focus needs to be on what we want, not what we are afraid of. Focus will get you through the pain of disappointment. Strength will lead you to the one person who you can have this balance with and your heart and soul can live in harmony together. This is what soul mates are made of. Seek this relationship with an open heart and it will find you.
Through life’s experience we learn behaviors in order to shield our hearts from pain. One of these behaviors is the shutting down of communication and not being honest. We think we protect ourselves but what we really do is cut ourselves off from that which we fully and rightfully deserve. The key is to ground yourself, know yourself, love yourself, and to be honest with yourself. When you operate from this rooted belief system in your heart and soul, you can navigate through life’s waves and keep your compass pointed towards your true north. With an open heart you will then find this person. It is the law of attraction. Seek and ye shall find. Ask and ye shall receive.
Every person on this planet is born innocent and good. There is no such thing as a bad baby. When we are born we are our core selves, undeveloped and new. We never lose that core, but the world comes in and influence takes over and we become a product of our environment and grow from the impact the world has on us. This collective human experience has impact and it creates a pinball machine effect into the world. Once we receive negative or positive energy from another it becomes kinetic energy and takes on a life of its own. The actions of others, both positive and negative, influence our decisions and thought processes. It is this action and our own reaction that takes us away from our true selves and we begin to divest our own personal positive energy and give it away to others through disappointment and expectations. We become blocked from our own divine light and stand in our own way, and we remove our focus from that which is our core beliefs in ourselves and react to our environment in that pinball machine. Noise, defection, chaos, and slamming our palms to the button to keep the ball from rolling down til the game is over is how we defensively react through our human nature. The object of the game is whoever gets the most points wins. Do we really ever “win” an argument? Do we stop to think what is lost when we do win? What impact have we created on ourselves and on others? Are we acting from our core selves or from the impact of our environment?
We have choices. And the choice starts with focus and acceptance. We must accept that others will react and treat us within their understanding of their environment. They are going through the same thing as it is a reflective mirror image. It starts with you. It starts with me. You, me, individually we must pull our focus away from the disappointments and resentments and anger we feel towards others and instead create a powerful focus on the innocent good self that we all have. From that focus on self, we then radiate out good and positive intent into our world. We have to accept that we might not be in an environment that is hospitable to our new focus, but that won’t matter because our focus is on good, and peace, and acceptance of our surroundings. This type of positive kinetic energy spreads as well.
In the inevitable end, the ball rolls down and the score is tallied. Life can continue like this for us until we tire and decide to move our focus out of the arcade. There is no peace in an arcade. What could be peace and harmony when we forgive and accept becomes an internal defensive war within our hearts and outward actions. The key to happiness and peace is stepping out of the arcade and returning to self-focus. When we focus on our core selves and the love and light within and accept others on unconditional grounds, we bring in peace to our surroundings and it radiates out that which you want to come back to you. It is karma. It is the law of attraction. It is the golden rule. Open your eyes to the outside of others and to their struggles and obstacles that have been placed in their lives. Then try to see their core self and accept the whole picture because they are a reflection of you and your core and your obstacles and struggles. The beauty of this process is amazing and healing. Acceptance and forgiveness of others creates acceptance and forgiveness within and peace and grace in your heart is the reward.
No marriage is perfect. Or better yet, the term “perfect” when it comes to marriage needs to be redefined. My definition of perfect was totally different. Jordon and I were two alpha peas just trying to get along in a little pod. We were madly in love with each other and crazy jealous and protective of what we had. But we could scrap it out like there was no tomorrow. I even got so mad at him one night I cleared a coffee table with one sweep of my arm. Wine glasses, remotes, and coasters and whatever smashed everywhere. God that felt good. And you know what? We had a good laugh afterward and we never forgot it. The perfect marriage is not about always getting along with each other and living in La La Land. That is complete BS and if you think all your neighbors around you have it any different, guess what – they don’t.
My marriage to Jordon was perfect. We laughed together, cooked together, loved together, parented together, and we also fought like cats and dogs. He always took care of me and Jackson, and in the end I took care of him and held his hand and said “I love you”. He challenged my flaws, and I helped him overcome the obstacles he faced. We made each other look in the mirror at ourselves to try and be better people. We truly lived out our vows to each other.
To have and to hold.
For richer or poorer.
In sickness and in health.
Forsaking all others.
Til’ death do us part.
Back to basics like I always say. The truth is simplistic. Be there for each other the best way you know how.
Mind-Stumbling. Electricity. Connectivity. Today I want to share what I now understand about disconnecting and re-connecting. It is a physical, mental, and emotional process. There is an outlet in the wall. I have always used the “3 prong approach” to all we do as a family whether it is grocery shopping, weekend trip planning, or connecting to those we love. Jackson, Jordon, and I were a team and we approached our lives and the ones we love in that fashion.
I met his wonderful group of friends a long time ago at a wedding. I fell in love with their laughter and their ability of stick-togetherness through thick and thin. I knew I was meant to be a part of this group. I wanted to be a part of this group. That weekend so many years ago I got to know Jordon even better. Any guy who has friends like this has to be a good guy. It sealed the deal for me. That “3 prong approach” is now a “2-pronger”. That first week after Jordon died and that feeling of physical separation was incredibly intense, which has since subsided slightly. Along with that terrible pain came this weird feeling and confusion. Honestly I am a little lost for words to describe it. I think the reason I cannot describe this concept well is there is a physical part of our minds. For example, when we lose someone whether through death, divorce, break-up, or what have you, in our minds we feel the pain physically. That pain manifests in our mind and spreads to our muscles and joints and heart and lungs. It affects our breathing and heartbeat. When we lose someone we love, our connections with those people (whom we have bonded to because of that person who has died) leave our mind during the physical separation after that person dies. It’s like physically losing half of what you know. Then the ability to reason and think and love fills that gap in your mind and a reconnection to those people you love takes over, re-adjusts, filling the other half of your physical mind. Through the “2-prong” approach you reconnect. It can happen instantaneously, or through a more detailed process. It is god-awful and it throws you into a tail-spin headed towards the ground. But you crash-land, begin to reason, love kicks in and so does memory. Those people haven’t gone away; you just have gone through the process of reconnection.
When people feel at loss for words and a sad awkwardness I think the process is happening to them too. In their minds a desire to reconnect with me is happening subconsciously. What to say, what to feel, and taking a first step towards a new relationship with an old friend is hard. Maybe it lasts 3 seconds, or weeks, or that process is so painful and confusing to some that they just disconnect all together. I haven’t had this happen yet, but I bet for some it sadly has.
I am a very analytical person, I know. Maybe others don’t feel what I feel. I have been to some great parties recently and half way through I have had to leave. The reconnection process is so strong and painful that it overwhelms me. The light at the end of the tunnel is that love over-rules and so does reason. It trumps fear and heartache. I am grateful for the reconnection process because it has helped brighten my love for you all and cleared any doubt that you all are incredibly important to me. What a purification process. An enlightenment. And it makes me smile and after the re-connection it puts an ease into my heart and helps heal.