Ask and Ye Shall Receive on Heaven’s Watch, Not Ours…

Last week was my son’s last football game for the season. It was an emotional day for many, many reasons. One being my son had done so well during his first season of football ever. I was so proud of him for making the team and for playing a starting position his first season of the sport in his life. See, I pulled him from hockey after 7 years of him playing it to move him back home to the south. He was ready for the change because hockey represented a heavy void in his life because his father passed away from cancer last year. He couldn’t think of hockey without feeling a terrible pain of sadness for the loss of his father. So instinctively we both knew it was time for a change to something positive without the intense, sad, emotional ties to the past. Some people did not respect my decision and did not ask for my son’s feelings about this decision that we both made. It was painful for us to not feel that support that was needed; they did not choose to ask or to understand why we would change our direction.

Along with this closing game of the season came a clarity and realization of the final weaving together of this book of mine that I feel is so long over due. What I did not realize was that it was this week that was supposed to happen as it did with perfect timing. Here’s how the day played out on Heaven’s Watch:

The morning of the gameday was special. There was a special gameday breakfast and I was anticipating the day and feeling hopeful for many things that are starting to come to fruition in my life. I got a call from my grief coach who is also a writer and a widow. I made the commitment to finish the book, was very fired up about it, and I gave myself a lofty goal date of the next week to finish the book. When I got off the phone with her I went onto my blog. I was going to hit 50,000 views that day!!! Pretty significant milestone in my book, so I posted a prayer request on my Facebook page telling my friends what was happening and asking them to pray for help from above and for support from family and friends. Well, I am here to say I got it. And in a big, BIG way later that afternoon!!

I went to my son’s game and after I got settled into my chair I looked up and saw an amazing cloud formation. The clouds looked like they were forming a tunnel. I saw the Light coming through. But all I saw was the tunnel. I felt very strongly I was supposed to take a picture because I could not take my eyes off the tunnel. I quickly snapped the photo with my camera phone and turned it around to look at it. This was the image I saw (look at the Angel standing on the cloud at the bottom of the tunnel):
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I was Dumbfounded. Speechless. Shocked. And Amazed. My Angel was there in all his regal beauty. He was there the day I asked for him, requested help from him in a public domain- Facebook that morning. He was watching over my son’s last game of the season. He was showing me that Divine Timing is on Heaven’s Watch, not mine. And this day was the day for me to write the purpose of this book. To reach out to all of you to let you know we really are loved. We have an inclusive, all-encompassing, benevolent, loving God for us all. All for one, and one for all. He does answer our prayers. But we must also be open and believe when we do ask. And we must understand that answer will come to us. It might be what we want to hear and know and experience. It might not. Sometimes our prayers are answered in ways we don’t see in the apparent. But we must have faith to know we are always heard and cared about. We need to be receptive to our intuition that God gave us. Our intuition is the gateway, the doorway, and the window to our connection with him. Don’t second-guess yourself. What you see, feel, and hear, and understand is his communication with you.

So, Heaven also has a sense of humor and loves to lovingly respond back when their communications with us are accepted and shared. So… I saw you Angel. I know you are a Messenger from God. And thank you for choosing me that day to be your conduit. I will share YOU with the world today and share your message with as many people as I can. And when I told him that, he smiled back at me.
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Signs, Visions, and Psychic Abilities: a Manifesto

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(This email appeared in my inbox an hour and a half after Jordon passed away.)

I’m not sure I am ready to write about this but I am going to anyway. It’s time. Due to my lack of fear and filter, along with my need to be authentic with others and myself, I am going to write it out. I made a big decision over the holidays to change the direction of my life for many reasons. The main earthly reason is Jackson. But also for myself I have to be honest with my experience this year, so I am going to write it down and share. It is the basis for my book that I will be completing in the next couple of months. Whether this book is just for my healing or for others as well is up to the universe. All I know is that it needs to be written down, so I comply.

Two months before Jordon was diagnosed with metastatic cancer I had an awakening. The timing was perfectly planned from above for me. My whole life I have had a strong 6th sense, psychic abilities if you will. I ignored it and ran from it because I was afraid, as most people are who don’t understand their gifts. I seemed to know when energy was around me, both good and bad. I seemed to know the emotions of others around me even when their outward actions and appearance was showing something different. I have always been interested in near-death experiences and read countless books about them. I even had the privilege of meeting a few along my way. Their experiences were extraordinary and it changed them forever. I sought answers through religion over the years, but I always felt there was something higher that was more inclusive to all of us; a oneness that exists that is inclusive and not exclusionary.

When Jordon became sick I started a Caringbridge webpage. The funnel of thought and emotion started in me and I realized how much I needed to share. The love I felt during that time was extraordinary and powerful. My husband, who was loved by many, was dying and our family was going through a massive crisis. Such a time brings out true authentic emotion and thought on a level I could have never thought possible. Truths and beliefs become crystal clear. There is knowledge and understanding beyond the spectrum of everyday life here on earth for us. It is available to all of us. I am no different than anyone else; I have just had a catalyst in my life to bring me to this point. For a reason I am not sure of, my task is to write it down. So I write.

In the days, weeks, and months following Jordon’s passing, my abilities and understandings have grown stronger. This is the basis of this journal and I am going to share it with you. I see visions and signs, feel energy, and experience real connections to those that have passed on. I have gone through classes this year in Integrated Energy Therapy and Reiki and I do energy work on others. I see and feel pain within people who are suffering from physical and emotional sickness or disease and can help confer the source so they can move towards wellness.  The mind/body connection is powerful and we often write our own scripts in health and wellbeing. When I feel someone’s pain, my arms and hands and heart feel a vibration and my need to reach out and transfer that energy to the person in front of me is powerful. I go with what I feel and most times others allow me to help. Sometimes when I am with someone who has lost an important person in his or her life I can communicate with that person that has crossed over. I can see important details, physical features to give confirmation, family stories and histories. I can smell a perfume or cigar smoke that they used to have about them and hear their voice and laughter. I can relay important information back to the person who is in front of me. It is so healing and it happens all the time. It is time I embrace this gift and share it with others. I cannot deny this and move forward in my life without it. I love being able to do this and the more I focus on it, the stronger it gets. When life gets in my way, I feel cut off and low in energy. When I clear space for these gifts, my life improves greatly.

I have written a lot over the year about these visions and experiences and posted pictures of signs from above. Consider this journal the summary and sum-total of what is happening, a manifesto of sorts. It is truthful, honest, and lacking of worry or fear of judgment. I know I must stay real to my path as those who don’t believe will think of this momentarily and then move on with their lives. If I don’t share due to that fear and momentary negative reaction of others, then I lose out on my whole life. The cost of this does not outweigh the benefit of sharing. This is something to consider in your own life. Do what brings you joy and happiness. Be authentic. Use your God-given gifts and talents, as we all have them. Those that want to share in your life will be there, those that do not support you will move on. Focus on your positive connections with others and grow in your daily endeavors knowing you have the right people with you for the right reasons. True happiness is borne of following the path that is meant for you.

Love and Light to you all.

Holly

A Year in Review of the Signs:

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My backyard on a particular tough day for me after his passing.

My backyard on a particular tough day for me after his passing.

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Coming Home

I have a story to share with you today.  I was somewhat doubting myself yesterday.  I have a story to tell and yet I didn’t want to because I sometimes read over my writings and worry about the impression I give to people through my honesty.  I have to shake off the negative vibrational energy that I feel sometimes coming at me and write out my experiences no matter whether it is accepted by others or not.  These are my experiences, I do not write fiction, and today I received a peaceful, positive affirmation that I should continue on.

In the course of editing my book I realized I had not written about something important that needs to be shared.  The subject matter is seeing the angels surround Jordon to take him with them before he died.  Such a crucial piece should not go missing and it needs to be told, yet I have waited to write it out and now I know why.  I was struggling with the words as they were not flowing as they usually do and I went to a small café for lunch to write.  The words were choppy and guarded.  I finished my lunch and came home to a contractor who was working on my house.  He was finishing up the job and came to sit at my kitchen table with me to write up the bill.  Our pleasant conversation lead to me mentioning the fact that my husband had recently passed on from cancer. That’s when it all started to make sense.

My contractor friend, who is older than me, began to tell me his story.  Out of his heart poured his life of losing his wife to cancer at a young age in 1992 when his children were six and ten years old.  He told me of his family situation and his struggles that even continue on to this day for him.  We shared our experiences of family and of staying connected to our spouses even after they both passed on.  The conversation was truly remarkable.  I feel for him and his struggles as I know them well.  I wish him peace in his heart and the ability to claim the life he deserves, free of anything holding him down.

Without my prompting him, midpoint in our conversation, he began to tell me about his last hour with his wife and what a beautiful experience she had.  She was pale and her hair was flowing and she looked like Moses out of the Bible up on the mount receiving the Ten Commandments.  She asked to sit up which he then propped her up.  She said “You all won’t believe me if I tell you what I’m seeing.” After several promptings by her husband and family members in the room she finally told them. She said, “He is sooo big, and we are sooo small!” And then she passed away.

This was the very subject I was trying to write about in the café and yet struggled not feeling the acceptance surrounding me. Then to go home to sit down with a stranger and have him share his exact same experience is amazing!! The affirmation is undeniable in my book!  The more and more I understand and continue to be open to my messages, the more I don’t believe in coincidence anymore.  Things happen for a reason.  This time it was for two people who have lived the same path helping each other through sharing and lifting each other up.

So here it is, now a chapter in my book, with the affirmation I needed to remember this is a universal, global experience that has been written about, sung about, painted on walls and canvas for centuries, and yet still talked about in the shadows as if it is fabled and doubted and not of our collective present experience.  Most families have a relatable story, so here is mine.

It was 12:30pm on May 8th and Jordon was about to be transported to hospice from his hospital bed in our living room.  He was gravely ill and his health was deteriorating rapidly.  We didn’t know this would be his last day and he didn’t either.  He was worried about the experience of hospice and I knew that.  He sat up over the edge of his hospital bed and I fell to my knees to hug him.  I will never forget that.  I told him I wouldn’t leave him and I would take care of him.  He nodded and we hugged each other.  We exchanged some of our last “I love you’s.”  As I slid back to my seat and just before they brought the stretcher in for him to be carried to the van I saw them.  Soft lights, circles, straight lines, zigzags descended into the room.  A presence was in the room surrounding Jordon and his hospital bed.  It was beautiful and peaceful.  At the time and due to the crisis I took note of it wondering if it was my eyes playing tricks on me.

I was in a panic as I was worried about his pain and the van ride to hospice.  Over the weeks of taking Jordon back and forth to the cancer center I had learned every pothole in the road on the way there.  I knew when to change lanes in the right time to keep Jordon’s pain and nausea down.  I knew not to tap the break.  He felt it all and it was excruciating to him.  Now he was going to be in the back of a van, strapped to a gurney with wheels with his pain medicines not working.

When the men arrived to get him, Jordon peacefully got up out of his bed and went and laid down on the stretcher.  He was loaded into the van and I hopped in from the back doors to sit and be with him and hold his hand.  The whole way with the stretcher giggling back and forth and the sharp turns and curves Jordon never had a pained expression or look about him.  He was peaceful. I now understand why.  Jordon’s body and his earthly presence were with us at hospice, but his soul left at our house with his angels.  They came to spare this wonderful man, husband, and father the agony of the van ride and take him home with them.  Thank you. Thank you with utmost gratitude for your mercy and your comfort you gave to Jordon in his last hours.

 

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Putting it All Together

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The book is coming. I printed it all out last night and laid it out in front of me. The form and the flow fell together without hesitation. I am asking the angels and my two spirit guides to be with me this weekend as I weave the words and stories together to create a tapestry of family, spirituality, and moving forward through grief to achieve understanding, acceptance, peace, and connection.
We are never alone and we are all loved and cared for. As I sit quietly this weekend weaving, I will remember and feel and be happy in that knowledge.

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More Signs From Above

I was praying in meditation today.  It was a personal prayer.  I went outside to breathe in some fresh air and this was my view from my front porch.  I am so thankful and blessed with the people in my life.

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Quote from Doreen Virtue-

Since the time of Noah’s ark, rainbows have been symbolic of God’s promise of love, care, support, and protection. When you ask the angels for a sign and you see a rainbow, it signals that your entire situation is being taken care of by them. Albino rainbows, double rainbows, and moonbows (rainbows appearing at night under the moonlight) are all so unusual that they leave no doubt as to their significance. Rainbows are not only signs, but also gifts of encouragement and guidance from the other side.

My Sign From Jordon……Believe and Notice

My Sign From Jordon......Believe and Notice

The medical transport came to pick Jordon up at our home on May 8th at 1:00 in the afternoon to take him to hospice. That night at 2:00 am, May 9th, Jordon passed away peacefully with me and his mom by his side holding his hand.
For two years I have been a subscriber to this website for positive thinking and I receive a message from them every day. An hour and a half after Jordon passed away at 3:36 am I received this email.

This is why I write.

Grocery Store Shopping with My Friend

Our loved ones who pass over speak to us through signs if we are open and believe and if we take the time to notice. The connection of enduring love truly does exist.

Grocery shopping has become as sticking point for me, especially the first week after Jordon died. It is the things that never occur to us that pose the biggest challenge sometimes. Shopping for food is one for me. The reason is Jordon and I were always in the kitchen together. We loved to cook, make up recipes, and invite friends over for smoked BBQ. Jordon would often get up during a summer weekend at 5:30 am and start smoking whatever was for dinner that night. There would be baked beans, slaw, cheap buns,and some unbelievably good smoked “something” many weekends. We would also take trips together and focus the vacation on the best restaurants to try. We would order a “tasting menu”, stay for three hours and a bottle of wine and make it memorable.

It is quite difficult walking through a grocery store these days. What do I buy now? It is a forced- physical separation decision and it’s taking some getting used to. I mainly stick to Jackson, my son and what makes him happy and healthy- and that’s a good energy directive in my book. The first shop was the worst. I was hit by the emotion as soon as the sliding doors opened, unaware of the daunting task that was so easy and often mundane before. I sort-of wandered around in a daze feeling the void and just picking up stuff and putting it back trying to decide if I was wanting it for me  because I couldn’t buy for my husband anymore. I think Jordon was with me that day, watching, hurting for me, making a game plan for my next visit. He was always a planner….

The next visit to the grocery store was the following week. I knew better how to function but was still dreading the task. As soon as the sliding doors opened a song started, loudly, above the noise of the customers as it was 5:00 pm and people were shopping on their way home from work. It sounded as if she were singing the words into my ears.  I never heard music played in this grocery store that I shopped at regularly before or for the rest of the year.  I am sure it was Jordon.

I shopped in peace that day knowing that everything was going to be okay…

-A ThousandYears-