This article made its way to my newsfeed yesterday and it caught my attention. The author used her interpersonal experiences to add in some real clinical points on what happens when you have “blamers” in your life. Although she has yet to finish her discussion, she left many points to ponder.
I am a part of several grief groups online and I hear this scenario over and over again. It seems to be the way many people deal with grief and any role they may have played during the event of losing someone they love. Blaming tears families apart. It gives a negative justification for one’s feelings and actions and it can often times remain rooted and settled in one’s belief systems for life. The real issues and actions and events fade away and what is left is a skewed sense of facts that support blaming others and no real sense of introspection which can ultimately aid that person in healing.
Blame is the opposite of forgiving. Blame is a much heavier, negative energy to hold on to. It’s as if you take out of your mind your part in the event and hold it in your hands so that the action or event cannot be attached to one’s self. The blamer disowns and disconnects from his or her actions and finds it is easier to hold the blame in his or her hands and to carry around with them until it’s released or it becomes a part of them. The Blamer THINKS holding and projecting the blame is easier, but will find out with time that its just the opposite. Many never understand this reality and they suffer the consequences of holding a heavy, dense, negative energy that robs them of their ability to move freely through life. It’s most corrupt feature is its ability to hijack one’s own mind into believing its false truth and it keeps the blamer’s thoughts suspended in this negative energy rather than allowing the holder to reflect on what really happened and their part they play and how to change and how to move forward and forgive and to love and to learn. Eventually time holds the key. One can let go of this negative energy and allow in all things good, or one can make that which they hold a permanent fixture about one’s self and walk in this lifetime with a negativity that is spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally crippling. The choice is theirs to make.
As for the the one who’s blamed….See this for what it is. Bless the knowledge. Bless the soul who is in the grips of this. And give thanks for the wisdom it provides. And most importantly, forgive so that you may not be attached like a magnet to this energy. Yes, blame attracts. But so does love. Your choice.
Whew! Man, that last journal was a doozie! Glad to have that out of the way and looking onward. The brightness has returned this week and my son and I have so much to look forward to. It is summer. Summer is energizing. Just the extended daylight hours alone are a nice touch. I keep saying that I am going to finish my book. I keep saying so much of what I am going to do. And yet I am not there yet. My son and I have been on the move this past year and we are truly settling in to our new lives now. So much is before us and so much is behind us. And we are ready.
This weekend I decided I am going to start a new blog in conjunction to this one. My current blog is dedicated to higher-level thoughts, emotions, perspectives, learning, connectivity, and most important Spirit and spirituality through the process of grief. I write when I have a vision about something or if something moves me greatly. After Jordon first passed away the journals were coming at lightening speed and with great clarity. I was in the epicenter of grief and loss and the idea of writing helped me through. In one year, approximately 30,000 people have read this blog according to WordPress. According to FaceBook accounts it has been exposed to 3 million people with 60,000 readers from all over the world. I don’t know who to believe, but what I care about is that it reaches those that are suffering and hopefully through sharing we can all heal. This blog this week just celebrated its one year mark. It’s time to do some branching out. I still have visions, analogy thinking, and moments of automatic writing where I know I am being helped from above. But all the earthy matters have been in my face for months now and I have felt somewhat disconnected from this beautiful energy. This will change, I am sure. But in the meantime, I am going to start soon what I need to write about now and the last journal spurred me to think about this. I want to write about the daily life issues of wading through grief. Relationships, financial matters, dating, alone time, raising a child as a solo parent. So much I can share. So much has changed in my life. I am a part of “closed to members only” spousal grief groups on Facebook. I realized after months of reading and responding, that many of the decisions I made and many of the issues I faced were universal among people in my situation. And we are all out there sharing so that we know we are not alone in our struggles. And it’s often times the nuances of events that hit us the hardest. Grocery shopping is one for example. It is a normal event for everyone. All of us have to cook and eat. But you throw in the loss of a significant other and you go there for the first time after they pass away and you get hit with a ton of bricks!!!! It’s those things we don’t think about that I want to write about. What that feels like. And how I got through it. Believe me, it wasn’t easy. I wrote about it already, but not from a practical, earthly perspective. The journal was called, “Grocery store shopping with my friend.” I will never forget the feeling.
So with that, I will end the rambling this fine Tuesday morning and leave you with a good note.