Let’s face it, life can be very complicated and painful at times. The simple sharing of pure complicated emotion through art, dance, music, writing, and poetry is cathartic and allows in healing. People are innately interested in and gravitate towards raw, unfiltered truth about life and anything less is…..less.
Some love is worth fighting for. Some love is not. Hold the love you fight for and bless the love you let go of. The wisdom is to live the difference and to know and accept that it’s all love in the end.
Its okay to cry. I do all the time. It’s a gift given to us by God through our eyes to release all that we feel and see that hurts us. Tears are the salty purification process of the soul.
Sometimes the best thing to do when life is complicated and hard is to swing from that chandelier! Doing what feels good is good for the soul, even if its temporary.
The singing, music, artistry and dancing in these videos is so powerful and moving and is so reflective of my personal grief experience and thus is healing. To see and hear this is to know that I am not alone in this human experience of grief.
Whew! Man, that last journal was a doozie! Glad to have that out of the way and looking onward. The brightness has returned this week and my son and I have so much to look forward to. It is summer. Summer is energizing. Just the extended daylight hours alone are a nice touch. I keep saying that I am going to finish my book. I keep saying so much of what I am going to do. And yet I am not there yet. My son and I have been on the move this past year and we are truly settling in to our new lives now. So much is before us and so much is behind us. And we are ready.
This weekend I decided I am going to start a new blog in conjunction to this one. My current blog is dedicated to higher-level thoughts, emotions, perspectives, learning, connectivity, and most important Spirit and spirituality through the process of grief. I write when I have a vision about something or if something moves me greatly. After Jordon first passed away the journals were coming at lightening speed and with great clarity. I was in the epicenter of grief and loss and the idea of writing helped me through. In one year, approximately 30,000 people have read this blog according to WordPress. According to FaceBook accounts it has been exposed to 3 million people with 60,000 readers from all over the world. I don’t know who to believe, but what I care about is that it reaches those that are suffering and hopefully through sharing we can all heal. This blog this week just celebrated its one year mark. It’s time to do some branching out. I still have visions, analogy thinking, and moments of automatic writing where I know I am being helped from above. But all the earthy matters have been in my face for months now and I have felt somewhat disconnected from this beautiful energy. This will change, I am sure. But in the meantime, I am going to start soon what I need to write about now and the last journal spurred me to think about this. I want to write about the daily life issues of wading through grief. Relationships, financial matters, dating, alone time, raising a child as a solo parent. So much I can share. So much has changed in my life. I am a part of “closed to members only” spousal grief groups on Facebook. I realized after months of reading and responding, that many of the decisions I made and many of the issues I faced were universal among people in my situation. And we are all out there sharing so that we know we are not alone in our struggles. And it’s often times the nuances of events that hit us the hardest. Grocery shopping is one for example. It is a normal event for everyone. All of us have to cook and eat. But you throw in the loss of a significant other and you go there for the first time after they pass away and you get hit with a ton of bricks!!!! It’s those things we don’t think about that I want to write about. What that feels like. And how I got through it. Believe me, it wasn’t easy. I wrote about it already, but not from a practical, earthly perspective. The journal was called, “Grocery store shopping with my friend.” I will never forget the feeling.
So with that, I will end the rambling this fine Tuesday morning and leave you with a good note.
You have found your footing on this rope. It is what you have been given to stand on. The rope is harsh against your feet and it doesn’t feel good. But the rope is sturdy and it fits your feet. God planned it this way~ he wouldn’t give you a rope that was impossible to walk on. You are looking out ahead of you to see the big picture of your life. On each side of the rope lies a different view. Your job is to navigate this rope, to reach the other side. You’ve been given a balancing stick to help you balance your steps as you are moving forward. The stick is your guide, your conscience, you faith. When you lean too far right, the stick dips to the left helping you to balance as you move above the abyss below you. You are ready and you take your first step in this new life of yours.
The vast spaces to your left and your right are the expectations you put on yourself and of the expectations that others have of you. You are being watched. You are conscious of your new life and the other side’s expectations of you and how they see this situation you are in high up on this tightrope. Both, through this process of grief and loss, will pull at you and bring you off balance. Expectations, outside of simple, fundamental truths, are external and internal forces of energy that rely on a future value that doesn’t exist. How can you or anyone have an expectation of how to feel, how to act, how to grieve. When we focus on these influential spaces we pull our eyes, mind, and feet away to give energy to a space of expectation. This space will disrupt you and pull you left or right and away from your center, your true self. Too much focus on either side and you will fall. The tightrope is your gift from God. Your stick is the conscience mind he gave you to balance. Your feet keep you in the physical. Your eyes are the communicators and connectors to your body to help you focus on the big picture. Look up and out and you will find your truth. Look down and you will lose it.
As you are walking this tightrope, you will come across negative energies of expectation both from others and from yourself. Outward remarks from others will say things to you to make you second-guess your steps. Your ear will hear them and your body will intrinsically bend in that direction pulling you out of balance. You might second-guess your decisions, as you don’t have that living, breathing soul next to you anymore helping you navigate. Two trusting souls leaning on each other find a more steady balance and you are now without that other half. You must learn to steady yourself as you are on your own now and your decisions are yours. Be careful as you can pull yourself over from insecurity and doubt and loose your footing on the rope.
This is life. This is the test, this tightrope. The key to walking the tightrope is inner balance, courage, forward focus, and movement towards what you feel is good and right for you without the interference from outside energy. As you practice this centered focus you will gain strength and balance. You will become more assured of your space, your footsteps, and your mind. Your faith will grow and you will move with grace and sure-footedness on this tightrope. You will block out the negativity and the balance-altering pull of opinion and diversion. You will be able to see it for what it is. You will see the concern, the doubt, the good and bad intentions from others, and personal views that do not serve you. Above you is the Light shining down on you to guide the way. Follow this Light as it beams into your heart exposing the truth that you are good and deserving and whole. It will pull you forwards helping to balance you and settle you. It will soothe your feet so you don’t feel the harshness of the rope. We are not given the view of the end of the rope for the light shines too brightly and it is not ours to know. But when we do reach the end, we ourselves will become the light we have followed and join in the connection and the only pull we will feel is LOVE.